I Wasn\’t Ready!!!

\"img_20160619_113623\" Usually when I say this, it\’s most likely because someone took a picture of me while I was talking or thinking of what pose to strike, and hence I\’d respond with, \”but I wasn\’t ready now!\”  However,that phrase took on a new meaning to me a few months ago.

While I was still in my final year of University , I was looking to apply to different schools because I wanted to pursue a Master\’s degree program. However, my final year project supervisor thought I would be a perfect candidate to do a PhD under him. Now, to be honest, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about the whole PhD thing. I mean, I was just rounding up 4 years of school… I didn\’t want to do 4 more. But he wasn’t having any of that! So, as the good daughter that I am, I brought the issue to my parents, and to my utter surprise, they wanted me to do it! Ah, I couldn’t deal.

Anyways, I had to apply for funding and people were like, success rate for this funding is only 10%, so I wasn’t feeling too optimistic like that. I mean, 10% and there would be people who had Master\’s degrees, better QCA\’s, more work experience etc.

So I was pretty chill, I didn’t think about it much. Once the application process was over, I focused on graduating from Uni and I even applied to some Master\’s programs.

The results were meant to come out in June, but they didn’t. Now, I was a bundle of nerves, because in as much as I didn’t like the idea of 4 more years in school, the thought of getting the funding was exciting. Fast forward to July and one evening, while I\’m in my room, I get an email…. And lo and behold I got the funding!

For the next few days, everyone was congratulating me, calling me Dr. Sharon, praising God, telling me they knew I\’d get it, etc. For me, I was still in shock.

The following week though, it finally hit me. I was going back to Ireland. I was going to do a PhD. This wasn\’t part of the plan! Things just got complicated, and I wasn’t ready, so I cried.

I think it\’s safe to say I cried almost every day for like a month (Lol, joking!).

Everyone was so happy for me, but all I could think was, \”I\’m not ready\”. I hadn\’t made my peace with it, I hadn\’t planned on it, I wasn’t prepared for it.

Because I wasn’t optimistic about getting the funding, I didn’t even do basic research on the whole process, and fam, now that it had happened I was just overwhelmed. For a long time I just didn’t know what to do or how to act. On the outside I was all smiles, but on the inside I felt helpless…

That experience taught me something. Sometimes we aren\’t ready for what life throws our way. Those times are scary. So very scary and often we get caught up in the fact that we aren\’t ready. We didn’t plan it all out, we don\’t have it all figured. However, God is faithful and He has honestly given us the grace to overcome the things that come our way. Most times though, it doesn’t seem that way. It legit feels like life is spiralling out of control. But that you and I feel like everything is going out of control doesn’t mean that it is.

So sure, it\’s scary and I still don’t feel 100% ready, but I\’m here, and whether I\’m ready or not, I\’m going to do this thing. I have to spread my wings and fly. Sometimes that\’s all it takes. You don’t realize how strong you are, or how capable you are until you find yourself in a position where you don’t have any other reasonable option and you just have to have a go at it.

Life isn\’t in the habit of waiting for us to get ready and things often change in the blink of an eye. There is no secret to dealing with unexpected events, life will go on with or without you. You have to decide to not be left behind. You have to decide to move on even when it seems like you\’re crippled with fear and anxiety.

You have to move, because if you don’t move, you will be left behind, and you will miss out on the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead.

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Follow me on IG + Twitter @shayrunn, also check out my podcast at www.shaybolanta@podbean.com

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