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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

Month

September 2017

The Battle with Self

IMG-20170805-WA0017Last week I spent a lot of time battling things I thought I had overcome time ago! I felt like I was not measuring up. I felt like everyone was in a better position,  better than me.

You see, I’ve spent most of my life proving to people that I was/am good enough. When I was younger, I often felt like I had a point to prove. I was privileged, smart, hardworking and beautiful (even if I do say so myself, lol)  However, I felt like everyone around me thought  I only got the things I got because of who my parents were. So I worked harder at everything, constantly trying to prove to people that I was good enough on my own. I was strong and independent.  And I made sure I proved to everyone at every opportunity I got that I could succeed.

So yea, I’ve consistently felt like I have had to prove my worth to any and everyone. It’s actually a horrible way to live, to be honest. Why? Well instead of doing things and enjoying the things you do, you’re constantly on edge running a race with people who don’t even know you’re running. You don’t enjoy what you do, you never feel like you are good enough, you’re constantly failing even when you’re not, because to you,  the success that you seek is always a bar higher than you’ll ever achieve.

Some of you might read this and think, well what’s so wrong in shooting for the stars no? Well, there’s nothing bad in it if deep down you’re doing it for you. If you’re happy and genuinely enjoying what you do, then great! Chances are though, that if you are like me, always proving yourself, then you aren’t.just

So back to last week. Last week I was very stressed. I felt broke and broken, and the worst part of it all was, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Now read my words carefully, it’s not that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I just couldn’t bring myself to talk, and that was a huge setback for me, cause I thought I had overcome that struggle a while back….

I was irritated with myself and everyone, but in the midst of my frustration and irritation, I realised something.

I am who I am, and the only person I should be comparing myself with is myself. The only person I should be using to measure my success and failures with is myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that yo, I had a setback, but that didn’t  mean I hadn’t grown or made progress in the last couple of years.  And the more I realised that the more I realised that in reality, I had actually handled things much better than I would have a year ago.

So yea, looking back, I don’t think things were as bad as I believed they were, and to be honest I need to pat myself on the back for the progress I’ve made instead of giving myself a slap, and you know what, you should too!gold star

We learn every day, and we should celebrate our milestones cause we are the only ones that know how hard it took us to get to them… And if we don’t celebrate them very few people will!

Remember to celebrate the progress you make this week, even if it looks very tiny, it’s still progress and should be celebrated.

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Relationship Bants 2

I know ya’ll have been waiting for Relationship Bants 2, well, your wait is now over!Hurray-GIF But before I go into it, can I just say that if you haven’t listened to the cover album on my last post, you really, really need to give it a listen. It is absolutely refreshing and amazing! You can find it here

Alright, so let’s jump into it, shall we?

Today I’m going to be quite brief because I don’t think I have the authority to tell you certain things, such as when you are ready to be in a relationship.

I say this because everyone is different. For example, when I was younger, I was told relationships were not for teenagers in secondary school, however, I know people who started dating in secondary school and 6-7 years later are still going strong. I also know people who waited until they were in college and ended things 3 months later. It’s pretty obvious that that specific grading curve for an individual’s readiness is not accurate. In the same way, everything I say today may or may not be applicable to you, but they are things I would personally consider before I hop into a relationship.

Before I start chatting rubbish, let me try to get my points across. We are all different people with different temperaments, which means we all have different strengths and weaknesses. How we deal with our strengths and weaknesses play a huge role in how ready we are to be in relationships (in my opinion). just

One of the major things, I think, is commitment. Remember that hurt bae video that was trending earlier this year??? The girl asked her boyfriend why he cheated on her, and the man straight up said he wasn’t ready for commitment!

That video struck a chord in me, cause often people say if you love someone you won’t cheat on the person, but fam, I don’t agree with that. I think if you are not ready, or if you don’t want to commit to someone, it becomes easy to do things to hurt the person, not because you are a bad person, but because you are not ready to be in a relationship!

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To me, its really simple, commitment is what keeps you together when things get bumpy or rough. Without it, things easily fall apart. So for me, it’s a big one. If you are not ready to commit then you are definitely not ready to be in a relationship.

Another thing is emotional maturity. This is sometimes hard to gauge, but there are clear markers that I would be on the lookout for. For example, someone who is emotionally abusive,  should not be in a relationship. It’s a big no no, and by emotionally abusive, I mean, if a person regularly makes you feel stupid or not good enough, or if a person is constantly making you feel like you are always wrong and they are always right, or they always play the victim I hate this one so much! or they lack empathy. Those are signs of emotional abuse and show a lack of emotional maturity. For example, Christian Grey from “50 Shades of Grey” lacked emotional maturity and in real life had no business being in a relationship! To be fair to him, he wasn’t really into that stuff until Anastasia, but that’s a story for another day! Anyways, long and short is, if you are not emotionally mature, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

This actually ties in with my next point, which is, if you cannot accept the fact that you are not always right, then fam, again, you have no business being in a relationship. There is no place for pride or self-righteousness in a relationship. You must be able to say you are wrong and you must be able to see reason. sorryI mean, some people (both male and female) like to think they are always right. The can never be wrong. Ah, who died and made you God -_-. You can’t always be right, so sit down and learn to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong”.

The last thing I’ll touch on is communication. This probably seems like an unnecessary addition to the list, but think about it for a minute and you’ll see how necessary it is. I mean, how do you expect to build something meaningful if you can’t talk?  If you can’t communicate how you feel, or what you want, or your hopes and fears,  how do you expect to build and grow?

If you can’t/won’t/don’t want to have honest conversations with your significant other, then  I don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship.

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Trust me, its very hurtful to be in a relationship where one person is unable to communicate, worse when both people cant!

At the end of the day, it’s hard for any one person such as myself to tell you when you are ready to be in a relationship because everyone is different. But relationships require a level of selflessness, levelheadedness and patience (plus all the things I listed above and more). If you don’t posses those things, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. There is nothing wrong in being single until you are ready. It saves the world a whole lot of heartache and pain.

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Made of Music

There is music in everything and everywhere, but only few can see and tap into the magic! Today I am pleased to introduce to you to new music from one of those gifted people, MonLee.

MonLee has produced his latest creative work, a cover album of songs originally composed and performed by Jon Bellion, The Chainsmokers, Jay-Z, Johnny Drille, Jazmine Sullivan, Masterkraft, and more. MonLee’s cover album expresses the musical creativity of several renowned mainstream artists, adding to it his own creative prowess and personal touch; he owns the creative atmosphere of the covers as though they were his original songs, through Beatbox and Acapella, without the use of a single musical instrument. The album is about love, pain and other crucial life lessons.

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MonLee is a Nigerian, Abuja based artist, who started in 2005 in Jos as a music producer popularly known as MonLee. He has produced seasoned artists such as The Isomers Band, Tommy Maverick (whose work is featured on Made of Music Cover Album), Charles DreadHead (Nkemjika) and Yéla, and alongside top notch music producers such as SizzLePro and MacRock. He produced his first personal project, a rap Mixtape in 2014 titled “CubEthics” and a soul EP in 2016 titled “BINI: The Poeatric Dreamer”. He is always working on his next album and connecting with his Essence through music.

 

Please find below, the album arts, the Soundcloud (listen) and Audiomack (download) links for “Made of Music Cover Album”

 

 

 

You can find out more about his music on his social media platforms 

Twitter: @monlee_mane
Instagram: @monlee_mane
Facebook: Mon Lee

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