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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

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December 2016

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20th December 2016

img-20161204-wa0000The day has finally come!

It has been an interesting journey these last few days, and today is the last day of the journey.

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone that has followed my posts for the last 20 days. It is because of you guys that I have pushed myself to do this. Thank you for all the likes, comments, shares, etc. The love has been amazing!

Before I drop my pen for a while, I have one thing that I am thankful for which I haven’t mentioned.

I am thankful for art in every form it comes in and I am thankful specifically today for good music! LOL, what would this world be without good music?

In honour of today being my birthday I decided to do something nice for someone. So… some new music will be coming your way soon (not from me! lol).

Keep an eye on this space and let me know what you think!

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54 minutes…

img-20161204-wa0000So, in this instant that I am writing, it is 54 minutes to my birthday. Chances are, by the time I’m done it’ll be 30 minutes,  but oh well!

I’m not going to lie, when I first started this whole 20 day thing, I did it because everyone seemed to be doing something for their birthdays and I felt like I needed to do the same. I started with all these great expectations and thoughts. I had planned it all out and it was meant to be great and filled with lots of interesting posts, but I didn’t count on the fact that my mood wasn’t going to be “up beat” for the whole 20 days. I didn’t count on the fact that I had never written for my blog for 7 consecutive days talk more of 20! I didn’t consider the fact that I would be tired and so not in the mood to write half the time!

Lol, one week into it and I was struggling. My desire to write was waning but I had given my word.  I thought it would get better as the time went by, but it didn’t. As the days went by I got even more disinterested in writing and I was actually dreading my birthday.

Today is the 19th day that I have been writing, and to be honest even though it was hard, it was definitely worth it. It made me think about things, things I normally ignore, and more than that, it made me thankful. Thankful for so many things. I didn’t think I would be able to find something to be thankful for for all the days I wrote. I mean,  know there are sooo many things to be thankful for, but I didn’t want to just state the obvious. I wanted to give thought to those things and I did and I am glad I did.

I was nervous about today, for a lot of reasons, but I knew God was in control and even though I just wanted to hide behind a rock all day and pretend I didn’t exist, God gave me peace and He told me to hold on and be calm and I did… I’m glad I did, I ended up getting cake today 🙂 Two cakes actually.

See ba, today all I can say is this. God is faithful and He hears us and He see’s when we are hurting and panicking. Don’t for one second ever think that God hasn’t been listening to you. My life is a testimony to the fact that He hears and sees. Even the things that your heart whispers without you actually praying. God hears..

I am thankful today for the journey of the last 19 days. I am thankful that God see’s and He hears. I am thankful that I decided to go on this journey. It has definitely been worth it.

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Anticipation and Expectation…

anticipation-copySo it’s the 18th of December, which means it’s two days to my birthday! That exclamation mark makes it look like I’m dancing in my room with joy, but to be very honest I don’t know that I feel any excitement for the day. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad I am alive to see another year, but usually there is this excitement I have for my birthday, this anticipation of what the day will bring. In hind sight I really don’t know why I always got so worked up , because I never really did anything , LOL, but anyways at the same time I don’t regret my excitement.

So, anticipation… I have heard people say it’s better to expect nothing, because then chances of you being disappointed are pretty slim. At some point in time, I used to believe that theory. I told myself, what was the point in expecting anything if at the end of the day I’d just end up disappointed. Expecting nothing meant I’d have zero disappointment, which for me sounded great. But then, where is the fun in that?

Now, hear me out. There are expectations that both you and I know are wrong, false, and just us lying to ourselves. I call that kind of anticipation unhealthy anticipation. Why? well, because it’s you basically setting yourself up for disaster knowingly. It’s like you expecting an A in a test you didn’t study for. I mean, you know you’re not getting that A, but you work yourself up with the expectation that you might actually get an A for some unknown reason tbh. That, to me, is unhealthy anticipation.

However, where is the fun in having zero expectations? It means you aren’t looking forward to anything. It means you have nothing that gives you some sort of excitement. Sure, it means you can be disappointed, but it also means your expectation can also be met and superseded. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The way I see it, for everything that goes right and which you anticipated, half of the joy you get comes from the anticipation, the expectation. It makes it that much more rewarding.

You don’t want to having expectations that are unreasonable but you should have expectations for your life and different things/events that pertain to you. I feel like, a lack of expectation means that you will let anything slide. It also means, in my opinion, that if something disappointing happens and you have the power to change it, chances of you doing that would be slim. Why? Well, because you expected nothing or something negative and so even though you have the opportunity to fix it, you don’t, because after all, it was what you expected.You didn’t have any high hopes or anything like that, so its fine to you…

Thinking about it now, I remember the anticipation I had before my results came out. I mean, I was refreshing my student portal every 30 seconds waiting for the results to come up and the anticipation I felt before, the expectation and all that, made it that much more rewarding when I finally got to see them. But the fact is, if I wasn’t somewhat confident about what I had done in my exams I wouldn’t have had that sort of anticipation.

So, even though this seems like a somewhat pointless post, there is a point to it all,I will end by saying this. It’s a bit of a a balancing act.  Anticipation makes everything so much more exciting. But then, unrealistic expectations are just that, unrealistic and will leave you disappointed no matte the outcome.

So, for those that belong to the school of thought that says no expectation is better, maybe you should reconsider. Because in my opinion, the anticipation makes the reward just that much more rewarding.

Today, I am thankful. Thankful for anticipation and expectations. Thankful that I can look forward to something. To a new year, to a better me.

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Story Time!

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                                   Lupita Nyong’o

Story time! So today’s post is going to be short, or maybe not, but I hope it is helpful to someone out there.

I met up with a friend today for lunch, and while we were waiting for a table at the restaurant, this friend looks at me and says,(and I paraphrase) “yo, your skin is popping, what are you using?”. This question legit made me want to do a happy dance. :p Why? Well, for the last few months I’ve bee trying to take care of my skin. I’ve never really had bad skin, so I have never felt the need to pay too much attention to it. But over the last couple of months, I have been trying to care of my skin. Not doing the full works, LOL, but just paying more attention to my skin.

Anyways, that  wasn’t why I got all excited by my friends comment though, I got excited because for the last week and a half, I have been breaking out for no apparent reason and to say it has been bothering me is an understatement. I don’t consider myself a vain girl, but everyone has his/her vanity and having spots all over your face just doesn’t do a lot for ones pride. So as you can now probably guess, I was glad because whereas I had been thinking my face was a mess, someone saw my face and thought my skin was great. Now, in hind sight, I don’t think I was breaking out as much as I thought I was, but oh well…

This little incident got me thinking on the bus home, and I came to the re-realisation, that simply because you cannot see something, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

A lot of the time, when we are doing things, we get so involved with it that all we can see are the ways it isn’t working. All we can see are the errors and flaws. The down sides to the whole thing. The way it hasn’t worked the way we wanted and at the speed we wanted. But then, when an outsider is given a chance to evaluate what we are doing and the progress we have made, it’s a different story. Often times they think we are doing great, or at least better than we think.

This is applicable in our personal lives as well, when it comes to growth and things of that nature. A lot of the time we can’t see the progress we make when we grow and mature. All we can see are those moments where we constantly slip up, or the times when we walk into disasters with our eyes wide open. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way. It’s okay to look back at your life and actually see the good in it. Actually see the growth and progress you have made.

It’s not necessarily an easy thing to do, but it is one that should be done, because constantly beating yourself  up isn’t the best way to encourage yourself, and looking only at your flaws often times has the effect of making you feel like you cant do it anymore…that you cant achieve that goal, dream or vision.

At the same time, it’s also okay to give yourself grace, in everything you do. You are human and you are bound to make mistakes.It’s life, it usually never goes the way we plan it, so give yourself grace. For the times you will make mistakes, for the times you wont make progress as fast as you want. Because at the end of the day, as long as you are trying, and as long s you are making an effort, then you are making progress. Because someone who wasn’t ready to make progress would have given up.

So, what is the essence of all this? Well, one, that you can’t see the progress you are making, doesn’t mean you aren’t making it. Sometimes you just need to take a step back to get a clearer picture. And two, give yourself  a little grace. You are human and bound to make mistakes, plus life isn’t a bed of roses, so things may not always go the way you want, and that’s perfectly okay. Give yourself some grace for those times, because the act of showing grace even to ones self is often enough to propel us to do more,  to do better.

It is the 17th of December 2016, and today, I am thankful for peace in the midst of the storm.

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Standards or nah?

 

img_20160619_113623It occurred to me the other day, that a lot of the time, the standards we live by are standards created by people just like us. i.e society
Society dictates what we do, how we dress what we eat and  even how we think. Should it really be that way?
I used to compare myself to a good friend of mine all the time, and I would say, if Miss X can wear that, why can’t I? If Miss X can watch that, or if she does that, why can’t I? And then , it got to a point and I had to ask myself.. Whose standards am I living by? Hers or mine? That thought brought me to write this. I don’t know where it’s going or how it will end, but I must ask myself and everyone willing to listen.. Whose standards are they anyways?
Are they your standards? Or the standards of someone else that you have adopted because said person is popular and everyone likes said person? Or are they the standards of your bestie? Or are they the standards imposed upon you as a child by your parents, and because you were a kid, you held on to them? Now, you’re older.. Are you still holding on to their standards, or are they yours? Don’t get me wrong.. More often than not, our parents are wise and know a great deal about a lot of things, and their standards and values are most times on point… but like I said, most times.. Not all the time! If for instance, you have parents that are very traditional, their standards may not always be right…

So, then… the question again.. Whose standards are you living by?
It is super important to know whose standards you live by, because your standards will determine what you do and what you don’t do. They will determine how you respond to certain situations, and how you view life…
I am constantly asking myself, whose standards do I live by? As a Christian, I live by Gods standards, but even at that, I have to ask myself, are the standards I’m living by really Gods standards? Or are they man’s interpretation of God’s standards?
Many at times, what we think are truly God’s standards, are actually just man’s understanding of God’s standards… so how then do you differentiate? By listening to God and finding out by yourself, what his word says, and not solely relying on what you hear from the people around you.
But then, looking outside of being a Christian, it is important that you don’t let society dictate to you how you live.. I know, its super easy to go with the crowd and do what everyone is doing, but really.. Society is always changing.. What society thinks is good, or bad, changes all the time. Our morals and values by society’s standard changes every day.. So why then should we allow that same society determine the standards we live our lives by?

These are my random thoughts.. I look forward to hearing yours

It’s  almost the end of my 20 day challenge and today, I am thankful for grace.

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Apologies for the extreme lateness of this post. I will try and do better tomorrow!

 

 

Dear Reader

Handwriting letter with penDear Reader,

I know I promised you a post everyday, but today my body has other ideas, and if there is anything I have learnt over the last two years, it’s “pay attention to your body”. When my body says it needs a break, I try my very best to give it one. I mean, whats the point in working myself to an early grave? Or to a hospital bed?

The way I see it, I don’t think we are meant to work that hard. Work so hard that you end up in a hospital simply because the stress on your body is too much or you are so busy you fail to take care of your body or give it the basic things it needs.

See ba, I understand the desire to achieve dreams and goals and to make it in life, but if there is anything I will never stop saying, its this, don’t over do it. Don’t work so hard that you end up  sacrificing your family, health and well being all in the name of “you want to achieve” because trust me when I say a dead man cant enjoy anything, and the best thing a hospitalized patient can enjoy is having friends and family around. And chances are, if you worked yourself into a hospital bed you probably chased your friends and family away in the process.

So like I said, I have nothing against hard work, in fact, as an individual I often times overwork myself, not because of any real reason to be honest, I just like being able to say I did everything I could possibly do. However , I am careful to listen to my body. If my body is telling me I need to slow down, then I do, because at the end of the day, I need to be able to enjoy the fruit of my labour. As my fellow Nigerians say ” I cannot come and go and kill myself” It’s not even that deep. I’m more useful alive and healthy, working at full capacity, than I am tired, exhausted  and running on empty.

So, my dear readers, I have to drop my imaginary pen because my body has been giving me signs all week, and it’s about time I paid attention to, and did something about those signs.

Having said all that, It’s five sleeps to my birthday, and today, I am thankful for this thing called the weekend. I am thankful that it gives me/us a chance to take a break from work even if it’s just a day. I’m thankful that it means I don’t have to get up before the sun and work under constrains. I am thankful it means I can be in my comfy clothes all day if I choose to and not be bothered!

Lol, yup… its 5 sleeps to my birthday and I am definitely thankful for the weekend!

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As always, all comments and thoughts are appreciated!

 

I Love You…

img-20160804-wa0000It’s 21:35 and as I am writing this my head is really blank, but I gave my word, and I have every intention of fulfilling it.

I wanted to write about love today. Why? Well, because it is important, it’s important to me and to a lot of people. But for some reason, I seem unable to articulate myself properly. So forgive me if this isn’t up to “par”.

Over the summer, I learnt something about myself. I learnt that I love to be loved. I’m sure this seems like a pretty obvious one, but I only realised it over the last few months.

I am one of the most antisocial social people I know. I don’t know how to explain it, but at the end of the day, I tend to come across as someone who is proud, doesn’t like people, shy or something like that, but really, I just don’t do too well with people. I have learnt to accept that part of me, and to be honest, most times I am fine with it.

What I am not fine with however, is the absence of love. I don’t need to be surrounded by people to be happy or content, in fact I find that when I am surrounded by people I usually get exhausted and frustrated. The thing I do need though, to be the best that I can be, is love.

I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Because when you think about it, we are all searching for love in one form or the other. We are all searching for someone to love us and show us we are special, and that’s okay. I believe we were created to love and to be loved, but this is a fallen world and so we don’t love as we should, but we all desire it.

In my opinion, we all work better when we have love. It’s something I think we fail to realise until we are surrounded by love and then away from it.

Like I said earlier, I believe we were all created for and to love. The Bible in 1 John 4:19 says “We love Him because He first loved us” I never really understood how that was a thing, I mean, I believed it, but I didn’t understand it, but today it hit me. Let me try and explain with a little story.

There is this woman that I love. I met her say five years ago and then after “friending” her on Facebook and not talking for like 4 years, I re-met her last year.

One of the first things she said to me when we met was, “I love you”. Ah, me being the Nigerian that I am, I was skeptical. I mean, who randomly loves someone they don’t know without wanting something in return?

But she did and she still does and I love her because she loves me. There is something about being loved by someone who doesn’t “know” you. Something about being loved in an unconditional manner that prompts you to love back. It comes with the knowledge that you didn’t do anything to deserve the love, the love isn’t based on what you can give, it’s just there…

I want to love like that, always. I’m still learning, but it is something I aspire to. Because there isn’t enough love in the world. We need it but we are too scared to give it. We don’t want to be hurt or to be taken advantage of. We don’t want to look like fools, so we hold back. But the thing is, we were made to love, and we do a disservice to ourselves and to God when we refuse to love the people around us. When we walk around with hate based on political views, tribes, race, religion etc.

Love conquers all things. It really does. If we had a little more pure, honest, genuine non-selfish love in the world, we wouldn’t have half the problems we have.

I know I need love to thrive and I know that a lot of people, weather they know it or not do to. So I have decided to love. Not because I want something in return, but because I been called to love and because I know a little act of love and kindness can go a long way in making someone’s life better.

So today, on this 14th day of December 2016, I challenge you to love. To love selflessly and unconditionally. Christmas is a celebration of love, so why not show a little love to someone.

Today, I am thankful for love. For everyone that has dared to love me. For everyone that has shown love in the midst of hate.

Above all else, I am thankful for the ultimate and unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, because the truth is, His love is the only love that can fully satisfy.

Thank you for reading today’s post. Don’t forget to subscribe via email!

p.s I apologise for the lateness of this post!

Image courtesy of Iyke Ibeh. You can find him on IG @iykeibeh

 

The Dreams That Run Away From Us

img_20161211_144512Have I ever mentioned that I once had this great dream of becoming a dancer? No? LOL, well, that’s probably because that has never been a dream of mine 😛 I just thought it’d make a funny intro!

Anyways, I was going to approach this from a very different angle.  But I gave it much thought and I realised that the initial approach I was going to take didn’t sit right with me.

So, why do we chase our dreams? The first answer that popped into my head when I asked myself that question was simple. Fulfilment. I mean, we chase our dreams because they bring us fulfilment.

People chase after their dreams for a truck load of reasons, but at the end of the day, I think it all boils down to wanting more for themselves and more from life.

I have never had a “big” dream. I never wanted to be the president of the United States of America, or cure AIDs. That has never been me. All I have ever really wanted to do has been to help people. Simple and short. In fact, at this given point in time I can’t even tell you that I have a specific dream I am chasing, I can only tell you that I want to create a space where I am able to help people who need it.But that’s me though  and a story for another day

Moving on … a lot of people have dreams that they have chased and are still chasing after, and it leads back to the question of why? Everyone I asked this to, had pretty much the same answer for me. For some, it’s the feeling of achievement that comes with knowing you had a dream, you went after it and you achieved it.

For others, it’s the thing with wanting to be known, with wanting to be better than the next person and with wanting to have more. And there, my friends, lies the problem.

Now, before you jump into my comment box, hear me out. There is nothing wrong with chasing after your dreams, but there is a line. There is a line between being content and being complacent.

A lot of us to an extent are insatiable. We tell ourselves we need to have more because nothing in this life is secure. We tell ourselves we have to achieve more because you know how it is, one day you can be at the top and the next at the bottom. So we push and we push for more, we chase our dreams so much so that we get to a point where it appears our dreams are running away from us. We tell people that we aren’t doing too much we simply aren’t being complacent with our lives and our achievements and that is why we do what we do. That is why we keep pushing. That is why we sacrifice friends and family. That’s why we starve ourselves, cut ourselves zero slack, keep  fighting for promotions and hoping jobs when the promotions aren’t enough. Because we don’t want to be complacent but in reality, it isn’t that we aren’t being complacent, it’s that we aren’t being content. It is that we always want more.

Being content doesn’t stop you from casing your dreams, but it stops you from wanting more all the time, so much so that everything you have is never enough.

The dreams we have are ours to chase, they were given to us for a reason and if we don’t go after them we will never have them. But there is a bigger picture than you and me in the dreams we chase. There is a bigger picture than what you can gain. If all you see is how much you can have. How much financial security, how much skill, how much fame, then chances are the dream you’re chasing is a dream without an end and as a consequence you’ll probably never see the end of it.

That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but then again, it might cost you more than you realise.

At the end of the day, there is a thin line between complacency and contentment and in my opinion, to get the best out of our dreams and avoid situations where they appear to be running away from us, we need to be able to tell the difference.

It is 7 sleeps to my birthday, and today, I am thankful for the people that push me to be more, to do more.

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