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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

Month

November 2015

Letter to My 21 Year Old Self

dear-me

The next time you see someone you like, walk up to him and say “hey I like you I think you have a cute smile”

Don’t worry so much about the response you get, your actions will probably put a lift in his step

The next time she asks you why you don’t drink, tell her the truth, don’t try make excuses to spare her feelings.. She never spared yours with her opinions.

Live every day like it’s your last, yes cliché but true

Don’t be scared to get on the bus and go, stop pre-empting the disaster that’s never going to happen.

Put your phone down more often, they won’t die without you

I know your desire to be there is as real as the sun and  as beautiful as the sky but the truth is, a few hours without you won’t kill the flowers that surround you.

Smile more, laugh more, be happy more.. Life isn’t as complicated as it seems…

Yes society sucks and people are mean…. But sometimes dancing in the rain is all the healing you need.

The next time you get asked, what did you do last weekend?.. Answer honestly, even though you were at bible study on Friday, choir practice on Saturday and church on Sunday..

Answer with confidence , don’t blink don’t stutter, your faith is the only  permanent thing you have In this world, be proud of it!

Don’t defend your choice of weekend activities to her, don’t say nothing.. Cause clearly that was something.

Don’t deny your saving grace for the grace of a smile on a face.

A face that’ll fade and forget your name, for a grace that’ll be there when no one sees the pain.

Be more honest about what you believe and why you believe, they don’t have to accept you, they don’t have to understand.

You were not created to fit in, but to stand out.

The next time he touches the small of your back and whispers sweet nonsense in your ear, turn around, look him in the eye and say “if you’re not here to stay please take a seat, my time is too precious to waste on wandering feet”.

If his smile makes you uncomfortable, don’t sit there and let him molest you with his eyes. Don’t pretend like you don’t care and are not revolted by his stare.

Muster all the confidence you have, stand tall and tell him to back off.

You are not his sex toy, your body not his playground.

The next time he says to you, “you know you want this”

Look him in the eye and say “No, I do not want this, never have and never will”.

Pack your bags and leave, there is nothing holding you but the invisible chains you feel.

Do not fear what he will do or how he will feel, there is nothing worse than living in a living hell.

Dear 21 year old me, I’ve said a lot and you might not agree with me, but one thing I know..

Life is too short to spend all your time worrying and borrowing trouble from tomorrow.

Live happy, be happy.. Love  more, laugh more, dance more.. Be spontaneous sometimes… It’s not gonna kill you.

When you love people tell them, they might not be there tomorrow.

Enjoy the moments you have, life is too short to be anything but enjoyed.

Heart… To Break or to Mend

So.. who ever said final year was easy, lied!! LOL

Anyways, so in the midst of all my stress, I decided a little non academic writing was necessary..

Thanks to Leo for the title 🙂 I quite like it!

images

How do you say I LOVE YOU without actually saying the words?

The truth is, I’m distracted.

I can’t concentrate cause my mind is on you

I feel like I’ve hurt you, in the worst possible way..

A part of me wants you to say those three words,

So I can feel safe in the knowledge that it’s true.

And even if we aren’t together there’s some hope to hold on to.

My mind keeps drifting to you.

I know I hurt you, but maybe you can forgive me..

Maybe it’s not too late to fix things..

Because the truth is, today.. Just like every day other day for the last month

I can’t stop thinking about you.

But unlike every other day, today, there’s a sadness attached to my thoughts

The deep sadness that comes with knowing loss

The sadness that’s realised when your favourite puppy dies

Or you watch your best friend board the train, and even though she said she’d be back

You know that maybe today, will be the last time you’ll see her…

It’s a deep sadness.. And it hurts.

My heart is calm.. It can’t speak. I know it wants to shout and beg and cry

But it can’t speak.

It watches you as you leave.. As you turn your back and leave

As you pack your bags, take your belongings, take your essence and leave

Her beat is slow.. She’s too calm.. I worry that she’ll stop if she keeps beating at this rate..

But I guess that fact that you’re leaving has somehow sapped the life from her being…

Today.. The thoughts are random.. And they don’t make sense..

The feelings however are true and they sing only one tune..

Please don’t leave.. I need you.

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