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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

Month

June 2016

The Birds We Once Created

– Written by Leo Makokolee Owan

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“Rain rain go away, little children want to play!” Do you all remember this song?

Yesterday, it rained and I looked at the sky. My heart was broken, I felt sad, I felt pity and I was disappointed.

Guess what I didn’t see after the rain? Kites.

God! That realisation pained me!

Kites were our very own birds. Our very own creation. Since we couldn’t  fly (thanks to gravity) and touch the clouds, we created our own birds and we called them Kites.

When I was a child, each time the rain fell, we would run outside with our friends and neighbours,  position ourselves and then, we’d compete within ourselves for who will fly the highest kite(s). It was fun because the skies were decorated and I’m sure God was giggling at our pure and playful hearts.

‎The old folks usually come out and reminisce. They’ll gaze at the different colours of kites up in the sky and sigh. For it was a beautiful thing to see that, the joy and fun they once had is still alive in the generation they’ve given birth to.
The birds felt jealous because something else was taking their “shine”.

Even when I reached a certain age and stopped flying kites, the children then still flew kites. And whenever my teenage mind was troubled by the absence of my mother or an irrelevant worry, I’d go out and watch the kites.

My God… it was such a beauty to behold.

Kites were all over the skies, and you could see other kites from afar, lost in the clouds, connecting with kids all over the world. Those kites made me relaxed whenever I felt down and hopeless.

It was like we were trying to reach out to God, you know, trying to pass out a message to Heaven’s gate.

Before this paragraph, I sighed.

What happened? Who am I to blame? The parents or the kids? Because these days all I see in the sky are just birds and invisible kites, trapped in my memory.

The kids that are supposed to fly kites are busy taking same outfit pictures with their parents on Instagram. I’m not saying it’s a bad act but most of the parents these days just want to play cool for the world to see.

Now, children don’t play anymore. Boys don’t play street soccer anymore. Girls don’t play “house” anymore. Older siblings don’t tell them stories anymore.

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The other day, I witnessed a mother telling her 10 year old (or there about- daughter); “As old as you are, you want  me to buy you toys? Aren’t your mates making money and selling in the market?”

Last year’s Christmas, my street was like Zombie land. No kids, no knock-outs, no rockets, no bonfire, no street concerts, no house to house visits, no arguments like  “My Christmas clothe is finer than yours” ‎
All the kids were indoors, playing adults. That’s why most of us grow up as little kids, mimicking adult lives and then get tired along the line. Because our childhood is trapped in us like a secret waiting to escape.  ‎

My heart cries for this generation and my lips and heart will pray for the next generation so that one day, when I’m old and no longer able to run with the wind or dance in the rain, I’ll step out with the help of my grandchildren and they’ll say‎
“Grandpa! Grandpa!! Look!” pointing at the sky, “Kites!”

And I believe I’ll smile and say feebly, “Go and fly yours, my children.”

Please let our children be children.
Don’t cage them. ‎
God loves children, he actually wants us to be like them. ‎

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Why I Don’t Drive!

So believe it or not, I don’t know how to drive!  *covers face*

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Lol, I have refused to learn for a number of reasons, but the primary reason, the major road block to my learning to drive is…. *drum roll please*

FEAR!

Yup, that’s it, fear. Like, what if someone runs into me? Or I run into a building, or I panic and knock someone down! Lol

I’m sure you’re wondering how that little bit of information is relevant to anything right now, and why I just told you I’m scared of driving?!

Well, the things is, driving is not the only thing I haven’t done due to fear.

Before I started blogging, I was petrified of showing people anything I wrote. In fact, most people didn’t know I could even write to begin with because I was scared. I was scared of how people would see my work, I was scared of how they would respond to the topics I wrote on, I was scared nobody would like it… as in, the list of things I was scared of was endless.

For a very long time, up until quite recently, I had been very scared of performing in front of people. i.e reciting my pieces (poems, spoken word, whatever you want to call them) in front of people. Why? Well, what if I’m not good enough, or  nobody likes it? What if I forget my lines etc. in my head the list was truly endless…

Again you’re probably wondering why I am listing some of my silly and irrational fears to you, but give me a minute, I actually have a point I’m trying to make.

Believe it or not, fear is something that holds a lot of people, including myself, from being great and doing great things. The fear of failure, the fear of the unknown, the fear of disapproval, the fear of death, the fear of loss etc… the list of fears we can possibly have as human beings is endless

But what do we gain from letting that fear have a grip on us? Absolutely nothing! Instead we actually lose  a lot. We lose the joy of success, we lose the pride of hard work and a job well done, we lose the satisfaction of seeing the fruit of our labour, we lose the excitement of something new, we lose the knowledge that we are fulfilling God’s plan for our lives, cause believe it or nah, a lot of times fear stops us from doing and fulfilling Gods plan and purpose for us.

Now, this is not me saying I have overcome all my fears and I’m ready to bungee jump off a 30 floor story building, lol, far from it. This however is me saying hey, fear is normal, like Franklin Roosevelt said, ” courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that there is something greater than fear.”

Look beyond the fear, and see the possibilities you would be denying yourself of, if you decide to sit in fear. The worst thing that can happen is you make a mistake, or you fail, and in all honesty, those things aren’t all that bad. I mean, if you make a mistake, you’ve learnt something new… something you would most likely avoid in the future, and if you fail, you can try again, in a different way. Again, you’ve learnt something new and it will more than likely stand to your benefit sooner or later!

2 Timothy 1:7 ” For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind”

So!!! In light of all that, and in the spirit of being fearless, I have been thinking of starting a podcast, and I would like your opinion(s). There is a poll below, if you would like for me to do a podcast, please let me know, and I will!

Also! phot credit goes to the amazing Iyke Ibeh! Follow him on IG @iykeibeh

Back When…

Hey everyone! So it’s been a while (kinda). In the time I’ve been away I was interviewed by a friend for her blog. If you haven’t seen the interview, you can watch it  Here It’s a bit long, but I hope it shares some light on me as a person! 

In the mean time, enjoy today’s piece 😊

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Back when I was younger, my tears were mine..

I was hard-core, my tears were mine.
Crying was for weaklings,
People born with silver and gold spoons
People without a backbone, no spunk, no liver.

You see, I was strong… But they didn’t believe me
They laughed at me and called me weak.
So I vowed I’d never shed a tear in their presence,
My tears were for me and me alone
I wasn’t a weakling, I was made of gold.

10 years later and all that changed
My tears aren’t mine, they never were
I cry for the sister from the other day, the guy from next door
I cry for the man who lost his wife,
The woman whose son just died,
I bleed for the kid who thinks he’s worth nothing
And the girl starving to look like the next “IT” girl.

Call me whatever you please, a weakling or a kid..

I cried when you said you were leaving,
I cried when they said you were dying.
When aunty said you had passed, my heart almost fell apart
I cried like I had lost a part of my heart.

These days my tears belong to the world.
So much pain, so much hurt, not enough people acknowledging the shot.
So again, I bleed for the kid next door…
The one with anxiety and the one with fear,
The one with depression and a poor self-image,
The one struggling with an addiction and the one contemplating suicide,
The one walking a lonely path and wondering where it ends,
The one lying in the hospital bed praying for life.

My tears fall for you, but not forever,
I’ll wipe them off soon enough,
My tears are yours, but so are my words,
I can’t fix everything, but I can try.

I can tell you how beautiful you are
And how life is worth living..
I can tell you it won’t last and the pain will end soon
I can buy you ice cream and hold your hand while you sleep
I can be your friend, a strength when you’re weak..
But beyond that, I can get on my knees and pray for your peace.

I may not be able to solve everything, I may not be all you need
But what I have I’ll give, my prayers are yours to keep.

 

Thank you for reading! Feel free to like, comment and share! 

Also, feel free to subscribe to my blog to get all my blog posts as they are posted! God bless 😊

Photo credit: DipAce, you can see more of his work on his IG page @dipphotos

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