Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings


April 2017

Lesson Learnt!


030035a5It’s quite funny how things often play out in life.

A few weeks ago, roughly a month I think, I wrote a piece titled “I Want to Quit” . When I wrote it, I was quite frustrated with life, lol, little did I know that it was just the beginning! You see, the weeks between when I wrote that piece and now have been quite intense to say the least. I mean, if I thought I wanted to quite then, I don’t know what I wanted to do over the last weeks!

I felt under a lot of pressure, I was stressed and I wasn’t dealing with it at all. All I literally did most days was get up, exercise (until I stopped), go to work, work till late, come home, make dinner (some times) eat, get into bed and pass out. The time between when I got into bed and when I actually passed out was often spent at one online meeting or the other, writing articles or mentally trying to solve problems (for work). Weekends were spent quite similarly, packed with activity after activity.

Everyone kept telling me to take a break, but I felt I didn’t deserve a break. I felt like I had way too much work to do to take a break. So I didn’t. I pushed my self, until i became less efficient, pushed myself some more, became exhausted, and pushed my self even more, until I was doing just the bare minimum and still flopping at it. Finally, this weekend, I got permission to rest. As funny as it may sound to some, God gave me permission to rest and I did.

The whole episode taught me something. Well, a couple of things actually. The first being that when it comes to stress and work load, there will most likely always be things that will demand your attention and could potentially stress you. You however, have to know yourself well enough to know when to take a step back and breathe.

lessons learnt

The more important thing I learnt however is this.

Sometimes we are looking for permission from someone outside of ourselves to be great. We are looking for someone to approve of our choices before we make them, and really, we shouldn’t be. There are certain things we don’t need permission to do. I remember talking to God, and He asked me “did you really need My permission to rest?” and I sheepishly replied no. because the truth is, I didn’t. God expects me to use my brain and stop when I need to. He expects me to apply my faith when I need to, I don’t need to ask His permission before I rest when I’m tired, or eat when I’m hungry or tell someone about how wonderful He has been to me.

It’s like you walking into your bedroom and asking your mum/dad if you can lay on your bed. I mean, sure they can give you permission if you really want it, but it’s really not necessary. It’s your bed!

So yea, we were created to be great, we were created to do great things, but often time we sit back as though we are waiting for someone to give us permission to be great. It is not necessary! Don’t be like me waiting for permission to rest. There are things that you don’t require permission for, and being great is one of them!

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I Don’t Want to be Vulnerable

blogWhile thinking about what to write today, I realised that I don’t want to be vulnerable anymore. Why? Well, there are lots of reasons but the most obvious one being I don’t want to get hurt. Because you see, for every piece I write, I share a little bit of my heart and potentially open myself up to being hurt.

Lemme give you a bit of context. I was quite vulnerable and naïve in my secondary school days, and this led to me being hurt a lot of times. Now, my solution to that problem was lock everyone out. My solution was to build a wall around myself with a door that only I could open, and at the time it worked. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but then my previous “friendships” hadn’t made the whole friendship thing very appealing so it really wasn’t an issue. Fast forward to my first year in university and my wall started causing me a lot of stress, so I started pulling it down. It was a hard process, but it opened me up to meet amazing people, which was great!

Now, in recent times, I’ve been through stuff that have made me attempt to rebuild those walls. In the last couple of weeks, I haven’t been posting often on my blog, and today, I realised that the real reason I haven’t been posting, is not because I have nothing to say, but because the things I have to say, hit too close to home and I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t people using my words against me, or using my past experiences or my struggles to judge me.

However, while I was thinking about what to write that wouldn’t be too personal but would still have some essence, I realised that if I choose not to be vulnerable, I defeat the purpose for which I started this blog.

I blog because for every time I have gone through a rough patch I have wished I could find someone who understood my struggles and gave me some hope. I blog, because I want a situation where, when someone reads my blog, they get a measure of hope, a feeling of, “oh I’m not alone in this way of thinking or in this struggle”. So if I stop being real and honest, I might feel like I’m saving myself from a lot of hurt, but what about all the other people out there, who need to hear my voice? Who need to know it’s okay to not have everything in order, and it’s okay to still be finding your way and its okay to be different.

So yea, I don’t want to be vulnerable, but I will be, because I know that my vulnerability allows me address issues that someone needs to hear.

In the quest to protect yourself from getting hurt, remember why you started. Remember why you do the things you do. In an age were “self care” is becoming all everyone is concerned about, remember that the gifts you have and your experiences are not for you to keep to yourself, you don’t profit anything from them unless you share them.

Finally, while I was still thinking about this vulnerability issue, I remembered, that Jesus could have decided not to go through the humiliation and pain of the cross, but He didn’t, He let himself become vulnerable, so I could be saved. Now, I don’t plan on letting anyone crucify me, lol, (and I will be using wisdom, :p) but if by sharing my experiences someone gets encouraged I’ll do it, for that one person I’ll share those experiences. 🙂

Sun’s Out Gun’s Out, LOL

IMG_20170326_132940When I started exercising in earnest, I did it because I wanted my stomach to be flat, and I wanted abs. I wanted an abdomen that irrespective of the time of day, and how many meals I had eaten, would remain flat.

As an individual I was relatively fit, so jumping on the exercise train wasn’t difficult. However, I fast learnt that certain parts of my body were as strong as I thought! The first part being my arms. I realised very quickly that my arms were the weakest part of me and as such I always dreaded arm day. Whenever I had to do any exercise involving my arms I did it with very little enthusiasm.

Fast forward to now,  arm day still isn’t my favorite day, but whenever I look at my arms, I smile! Why? Because I have worked hard and pushed through the pain and now they are toned, strong and beautiful! (not like they were ugly before):Pexercise

Whenever I look at my arms, I am reminded that the only things that grow and become stronger are the things you work on. The things you focus on (positive or negative), the things you give your time and energy too…they are the things that will grow and  yield fruit.

You cannot expect something that you are not taking care of to grow. If you’re not feeding it, nurturing it, whatever it may be, it will not grow. It will not develop and it will not get better.

Often we have dreams, desires, and wishes but when we are given the opportunity to bring those dreams to fulfilment, we become lazy, we give up before we even start. We put in only a tiny bit of effort and then we wonder why we aren’t seeing any results.

I believe anyone can achieve anything they set their minds to as long as they are willing to put in the work. The more I think about it, the more I realise that even the things we don’t like or enjoy, we can excel at, as long as we are willing to work.

I never liked maths, at all. I hated it, but I also knew there was no way in this world, I could afford to fail maths, so I worked hard at it. I spent more time studying for maths than anything else because I had no intention of failing.

When push comes to shove, we must be able to stand our ground for the things that mean something to us.  There are things that come easy in life for some, but not everything falls under that bracket. And often times, even with those things that come easy, we must still work at/on them and exercise the “muscles” that are required. Only then will they grow and get

So yea, I still don’t like arm day, but looking at my arms after a workout and seeing just how much they have developed makes it worth every push up or commando or whatever else I have to do .

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