The Battle with Self

Last week I spent a lot of time battling things I thought I had overcome time ago! I felt like I was not measuring up. I felt like everyone was in a better position,  better than me.

You see, I\’ve spent most of my life proving to people that I was/am good enough. When I was younger, I often felt like I had a point to prove. I was privileged, smart, hardworking and beautiful (even if I do say so myself, lol)  However, I felt like everyone around me thought  I only got the things I got because of who my parents were. So I worked harder at everything, constantly trying to prove to people that I was good enough on my own. I was strong and independent.  And I made sure I proved to everyone at every opportunity I got that I could succeed.

So yea, I\’ve consistently felt like I have had to prove my worth to any and everyone. It\’s actually a horrible way to live, to be honest. Why? Well instead of doing things and enjoying the things you do, you\’re constantly on edge running a race with people who don\’t even know you\’re running. You don\’t enjoy what you do, you never feel like you are good enough, you\’re constantly failing even when you\’re not, because to you,  the success that you seek is always a bar higher than you\’ll ever achieve.

Some of you might read this and think, well what\’s so wrong in shooting for the stars no? Well, there\’s nothing bad in it if deep down you\’re doing it for you. If you\’re happy and genuinely enjoying what you do, then great! Chances are though, that if you are like me, always proving yourself, then you aren\’t.

So back to last week. Last week I was very stressed. I felt broke and broken, and the worst part of it all was, I couldn\’t talk to anyone about it. Now read my words carefully, it\’s not that I didn\’t have anyone to talk to, I just couldn\’t bring myself to talk, and that was a huge setback for me, cause I thought I had overcome that struggle a while back….

I was irritated with myself and everyone, but in the midst of my frustration and irritation, I realised something.

I am who I am, and the only person I should be comparing myself with is myself. The only person I should be using to measure my success and failures with is myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that yo, I had a setback, but that didn’t  mean I hadn\’t grown or made progress in the last couple of years.  And the more I realised that the more I realised that in reality, I had actually handled things much better than I would have a year ago.

So yea, looking back, I don\’t think things were as bad as I believed they were, and to be honest I need to pat myself on the back for the progress I\’ve made instead of giving myself a slap, and you know what, you should too!

We learn every day, and we should celebrate our milestones cause we are the only ones that know how hard it took us to get to them… And if we don\’t celebrate them very few people will!

Remember to celebrate the progress you make this week, even if it looks very tiny, it\’s still progress and should be celebrated.

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