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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

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Beautiful Storms

I was listening to a message on Sunday, and a question popped into my mind. “What if we channelled some of the energy from our frustrations, into finding joy from within?” I know this does not sound easy (trust me, I really do) but think about it for a second.
Often times, life comes at us with potholes, speed bumps and blind spots. This happens at almost every turn in life, and usually when we least expect it. It can seem worse when this happens with something you love or feel passionately about and everything around you appears to be working against you.banging head
At times like this, it is easy to get discouraged and frustrated. It is easy to forget why you started and lose focus on what it is you are doing. When this happens, we tend to get so caught up in trying to solve the problems, in what is not working and in the many things we are yet to achieve, that everywhere we look we only see grey. We focus so much on the negative, that we lose sight of what we are doing, the progress we have made and why we started in the first place. This shift in focus makes it harder to keep going, to push forward and to keep fighting.

Sometimes all we need to do is go back to what really matters, the reasons we started, the foundations of our dreams.

In my line of work, it is easy to get lost in the tiny details. This means it is also easy to get discouraged. When this happens to me, I go back and read my initial proposal. It reminds me of the reasons I started and the goal I am trying to achieve.
The same goes for relationships (any and all relationships). So often we are caught up in the idea of how or what we think a relationship should be. So much so that we get lost, trying to achieve that, instead of enjoying the person’s presence and lose out on enjoying the relationship in front of us.dancing beyonce
Moral of the story, sometimes you just need to sit back and remember why you started. Remembering why you started may not pay your rent, or get you clients, but sometimes it’s enough to give you hope. It is enough to get you to try again.
When our eyes and hearts focus on the storms of life, seeing and enjoying anything becomes almost impossible.
So maybe our minds should not focus solely on what we are trying to achieve or what is not working. Maybe we should focus on the people in our lives and find joy in the now, so we do not get lost in the process of “getting there”.

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I Want to Quit

quititng-timeI want to quit.

Every month, I want to quit. When I think of all the responsibilities I have, all the things I need to do. The things I want to do but for some reason or the other cant. I want to quit. The worst part of those moments is, it’s at that time when I’m fighting tears that someone will proceed to remind me that I said I’d do so and so for them, thus making my list even longer.

It’s hard, I’m not even going to lie. So what keeps me from quitting? To be honest I have no idea. When I was an undergrad, the main thing that kept me going was my parents. I needed to make them proud. They couldn’t just spend all that money and then I wouldn’t have anything to show for it. I would often think of all the people praying for me to do well, and I would push myself because I needed to make them proud.

The difference between then and now is, I don’t feel like I have to make them proud of me. I know they are proud of me. So I don’t feel the need to try and earn it.

So as I’m writing this, I’m asking myself, “why don’t you quit?”

Well, I guess there are three main reasons. The first being that since I was a child, verses like Jeremiah 29:11 and Jeremiah 1:5 had been sung in my ears reminding me of Gods plans for me. And in recent times, Isaiah 55:11 has become a gentle reminder. Now, before you think I’m so spiritual or Holy, let me tell you that when I want to quit, I don’t actively remind myself. It’s not even like I want to remind myself, but my subconscious mind knows that God has said certain things about me and therefore those things have to happen, whether or not they feel like they will.

jeremiah-1-5

 

In addition to that, I wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge that I didn’t try my very best. I couldn’t live with the fact that I gave up simply because things got hard. Call it pride or whatever you will, but it keeps me going and that is good enough for me. I mean, how can I just say I quit, just like that? Without any reason? Nah, I’m not that person. If I didn’t love it all, maybe it would be an option, but I do, so it isn’t.

 

This will probably sound like a silly reason, but a part of me has a point to prove. People have always found fault in me and the way I live my life, surprise surprise, I’m human! And at the end of the day, a part of me refuses to give up because fam, I don’t want being a quitter to be added to my many lists of “flaws”. There are people that I have a point to prove to. People who have in the past made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. They aren’t aware of it, and that’s fine, but I want to pull a Joseph on them, become a great person irrespective of everything life throws at me and everything they have said to/about me.

isaiah-55

So yea, at the end of the day, I keep going. I don’t quit. If I quit, then it means I don’t trust God to complete what He has started, and at this point in my life, that isn’t and will never be an option.

We all want to quit at some point or the other, but you know what, quitting won’t solve the problem, cause chances are you’ll quit and end up in something more difficult. I’d rather try and fail than quit half way through.

I would love to hear your thoughts and what keeps you from quitting.

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My Expensive Taste

the-7th-element-graffiti-exhibition-24So, this isn’t really a post about my expensive taste, but I’m pretty sure it got your attention 🙂 lol!!

Anyways, I have probably written about this before, but that doesn’t mean I can’t write about it again does it?

I have always felt that there’s more to this life than school, work, more school, more work. I mean, if that’s all, then really it’s not a very cool life is it?

I have always felt that when we get to the age where we get to decide what we want to do and how we want to do it, it should go beyond more than what everyone is doing.

I have already established, in previous posts, that life can be a “pot of beans” but then again, I’ve had some pretty amazing plates of “beans” in my life, so I guess it doesn’t have to be all bad.

What I’m trying to say in my plenty rambling is this. There is honestly more to life than just school  and a job. We all have passions and dreams and things we enjoy doing. If you are going to work, then why not do something that you actually enjoy?

I’m not going to pretend that I don’t like having money at my disposal, I mean, I have expensive taste, so I kinda need money if I want to get the things I like. But the truth is, it can’t always be about the money, because if it is, then you’ll most likely never have enough. You’ll keep wanting more and more money, never getting satisfied, until you eventually die. You’ll start working so hard you won’t even have time to spend the money, which in my opinion is just a waste. I mean what’s the point of having money if you don’t even have the time to spend/enjoy it? (Unless of course you just want to donate it all to charity!)

It’s one thing to pour your heart and soul into something you love, and another to pour your soul into something you don’t love. One drains you beyond your imagination and the other leaves you feeling excited even when you are exhausted. One leaves you feeling restless and most likely depressed and the other leaves you feeling empowered and ready to do more.

When it’s something you enjoy, chances are you’ll work when you’re on holiday and it won’t feel like work. Now, I get that in this life we can’t always have the things that make us happy, but I honestly feel that there is more to this life than a white collar job, you don’t enjoy, just so you can make lots of cash.

Most of the people I admire don’t have what we’d term common/popular jobs. For examples, Adaora Mbelu and Osa Okunkpolor, more commonly known as Ahdora and Osa Seven, I started following them on Instagram about a year ago. Adaora is a young creator and brand consultant amongst other things and Osa is a top graffiti artist, brand consultant and clothing label exec. These people don’t have what you would strictly call a white collar job, but you know what, the more I think about it, I feel like people like them are redefining what you call a white collar job, but I digress. Anyways, so in spite of the relatively uncommon nature of their jobs, 1. They are being recognized for what they do, 2 they are touching lives 3. From all indications they love what they do, and finally,4 they definitely aren’t broke. I mean, it probably took them a very long time to get to where they are, but they took the road less traveled because they decided they wanted something more.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the thing that gives you the most joy might just be on the road mostly traveled and that’s perfectly O.K, in fact, it’s awesome, because it means you’ll produce amazing results in jobs where people are just producing “okay” results. But if it isn’t, then there isn’t anything stopping you from stepping onto your desired path.

Also, can I just add, that it’s not a by force something to give up your job to chase your dreams! What works for Mr. A may not work for you. Figure out what works best for you and work with that. Just don’t settle, not forever anyways. I mean, sometimes you may need to settle for a while so you can build up your dreams, but don’t settle forever, and never stop dreaming! There is honestly more to life than “just there” days. We should strive for “amazing” or “exhausting but very fulfilling 🙂 ” days.

So, 5 days in, and I am thankful that there is more to life than work, school and “just there” days.

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*Image taken from pulse.ng from the “7th Element” Graffiti exhibition hosted by Osa Seven in collaboration with A2Creative

I Wasn’t Ready!!!

img_20160619_113623 Usually when I say this, it’s most likely because someone took a picture of me while I was talking or thinking of what pose to strike, and hence I’d respond with, “but I wasn’t ready now!”  However,that phrase took on a new meaning to me a few months ago.

While I was still in my final year of University , I was looking to apply to different schools because I wanted to pursue a Master’s degree program. However, my final year project supervisor thought I would be a perfect candidate to do a PhD under him. Now, to be honest, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about the whole PhD thing. I mean, I was just rounding up 4 years of school… I didn’t want to do 4 more. But he wasn’t having any of that! So, as the good daughter that I am, I brought the issue to my parents, and to my utter surprise, they wanted me to do it! Ah, I couldn’t deal.

Anyways, I had to apply for funding and people were like, success rate for this funding is only 10%, so I wasn’t feeling too optimistic like that. I mean, 10% and there would be people who had Master’s degrees, better QCA’s, more work experience etc.

So I was pretty chill, I didn’t think about it much. Once the application process was over, I focused on graduating from Uni and I even applied to some Master’s programs.

The results were meant to come out in June, but they didn’t. Now, I was a bundle of nerves, because in as much as I didn’t like the idea of 4 more years in school, the thought of getting the funding was exciting. Fast forward to July and one evening, while I’m in my room, I get an email…. And lo and behold I got the funding!

For the next few days, everyone was congratulating me, calling me Dr. Sharon, praising God, telling me they knew I’d get it, etc. For me, I was still in shock.

The following week though, it finally hit me. I was going back to Ireland. I was going to do a PhD. This wasn’t part of the plan! Things just got complicated, and I wasn’t ready, so I cried.

I think it’s safe to say I cried almost every day for like a month (Lol, joking!).

Everyone was so happy for me, but all I could think was, “I’m not ready”. I hadn’t made my peace with it, I hadn’t planned on it, I wasn’t prepared for it.

Because I wasn’t optimistic about getting the funding, I didn’t even do basic research on the whole process, and fam, now that it had happened I was just overwhelmed. For a long time I just didn’t know what to do or how to act. On the outside I was all smiles, but on the inside I felt helpless…

That experience taught me something. Sometimes we aren’t ready for what life throws our way. Those times are scary. So very scary and often we get caught up in the fact that we aren’t ready. We didn’t plan it all out, we don’t have it all figured. However, God is faithful and He has honestly given us the grace to overcome the things that come our way. Most times though, it doesn’t seem that way. It legit feels like life is spiralling out of control. But that you and I feel like everything is going out of control doesn’t mean that it is.

So sure, it’s scary and I still don’t feel 100% ready, but I’m here, and whether I’m ready or not, I’m going to do this thing. I have to spread my wings and fly. Sometimes that’s all it takes. You don’t realize how strong you are, or how capable you are until you find yourself in a position where you don’t have any other reasonable option and you just have to have a go at it.

Life isn’t in the habit of waiting for us to get ready and things often change in the blink of an eye. There is no secret to dealing with unexpected events, life will go on with or without you. You have to decide to not be left behind. You have to decide to move on even when it seems like you’re crippled with fear and anxiety.

You have to move, because if you don’t move, you will be left behind, and you will miss out on the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead.

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I Don’t Regret It At All

image
May 2016, I had great plans for my summer! I had planned to do lots of travelling to different countries, but that didn’t really work out for me.

So when I found myself back in the motherland (Nigeria) before I was ready, I told myself, “well in that case, you’ll just have to travel round Nigeria!”

Lol, I truly laugh at my wishful thinking! I mean, I think I knew I was lying to myself at that point, but I just decided to believe the lie…

Anyways, I spent my summer in Kaduna, Nigeria. All 3 months of it, I don’t think I left kd even once, but do you know what? I don’t regret it at all!

I had one of my busiest summers ever and I loved it.

One of the things I did was join the technical crew/media department in my church. That was definitely an experience! The first time I was asked to take pictures during the service, I almost passed out with fear! Me? Stand? In front of hundreds of people, just to take pictures? I was so self conscious of the whole process, my first few shots weren’t great! But as I got into it, I fell in love with the whole process of capturing different parts of the service.

I learnt very fast what it meant to humble yourself before God and worship him in spirit and in truth.

image I was given the opportunity to watch people every week go prostrate before God, and I made up my mind, that I’d never take worship for granted. Because in those times of worship, we are exposed to the glory of God, in those times when we surrender our all to God, He in turn shows us His heart.

 

 

I didn’t get to travel this summer, but I got to experience God from a different perspective and I wouldn’t swap that for anything in the world!

Things may not always go as you plan, but God has his master plan and he’s very good at turning the things we see as disappointments into things of joy.

This was one of the main things I learnt from my summer.

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