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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

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peace

Keep Your Peace

IMG_20181202_125413__01     This year was particularly difficult for me. It’s funny because looking, at this time last year I was at the beginning of my downward spiral. At the time though, I thought I had hit rock bottom, I didn’t realise it was just the beginning. LOL

     As the year is slowly coming to an end, I am forced to look back and reflect on the progress I have made. In the earlier parts of the year, I often said I didn’t want to do life anymore. I broke down a few times, almost gave up a few times but somehow I managed to make it this far. (Thank you, Jesus!)

     Here is the thing though. Somewhere along the line, I realised it was okay for me to put myself first. I had to decide if I was doing things because I wanted to or because I was trying to prove a point. I had to accept the fact that my gas tank was almost empty and it meant I couldn’t do certain things anymore. I had to choose wisely and be proactive about my peace, my rest, my mental health. These probably sound like obvious steps to many people, but they weren’t to me. They were difficult, and every time I thought I had things figured out, something would happen to push me right back to edge.ugh
However, towards the end of the year, I found myself cutting me some slack. You might find it surprising, but it was a difficult thing for me to do. You see, I’m quite good at telling people to look out for themselves, to extend the same kindness they extend to others to themselves. However, I am terrible at taking my advice. (I’m getting better at it!)

     I guess at the end there is one thing that has remained true for me this year. Sometimes life is difficult, other times it doesn’t feel as challenging. The truth is though, that life is always moving. It doesn’t stand still for you.

There will always be something begging for your time and your attention. You have to realise that creating your peace and enjoying that peace is your responsibility

There will always be something begging for your time and your attention. You have to realise that creating your peace and enjoying that peace is your responsibility because best believe, life isn’t going to hand you any if you let it. And when you find that peace, you need to protect it.

Sometimes this involves cutting people off or making space for new people. It might be saying no to an opportunity, or saying yes to something new. Whatever it is, it’s your responsibility to look out for your peace. The role your mind plays is too important a role in your life to take for granted, and so it is vital that you look out for it in whatever way necessary. Take the steps needed, be proactive and keep your peace.

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54 minutes…

img-20161204-wa0000So, in this instant that I am writing, it is 54 minutes to my birthday. Chances are, by the time I’m done it’ll be 30 minutes,  but oh well!

I’m not going to lie, when I first started this whole 20 day thing, I did it because everyone seemed to be doing something for their birthdays and I felt like I needed to do the same. I started with all these great expectations and thoughts. I had planned it all out and it was meant to be great and filled with lots of interesting posts, but I didn’t count on the fact that my mood wasn’t going to be “up beat” for the whole 20 days. I didn’t count on the fact that I had never written for my blog for 7 consecutive days talk more of 20! I didn’t consider the fact that I would be tired and so not in the mood to write half the time!

Lol, one week into it and I was struggling. My desire to write was waning but I had given my word.  I thought it would get better as the time went by, but it didn’t. As the days went by I got even more disinterested in writing and I was actually dreading my birthday.

Today is the 19th day that I have been writing, and to be honest even though it was hard, it was definitely worth it. It made me think about things, things I normally ignore, and more than that, it made me thankful. Thankful for so many things. I didn’t think I would be able to find something to be thankful for for all the days I wrote. I mean,  know there are sooo many things to be thankful for, but I didn’t want to just state the obvious. I wanted to give thought to those things and I did and I am glad I did.

I was nervous about today, for a lot of reasons, but I knew God was in control and even though I just wanted to hide behind a rock all day and pretend I didn’t exist, God gave me peace and He told me to hold on and be calm and I did… I’m glad I did, I ended up getting cake today 🙂 Two cakes actually.

See ba, today all I can say is this. God is faithful and He hears us and He see’s when we are hurting and panicking. Don’t for one second ever think that God hasn’t been listening to you. My life is a testimony to the fact that He hears and sees. Even the things that your heart whispers without you actually praying. God hears..

I am thankful today for the journey of the last 19 days. I am thankful that God see’s and He hears. I am thankful that I decided to go on this journey. It has definitely been worth it.

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