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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

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happiness

Adventures and Borrowed Troubles

 

As a person, I generally tend to get anxious and stressed a lot. Like it’s a normal part of my everyday life. I generally overthink things which in turn means I get anxious, which means I get stressed.

For example, last week Wednesday I had to go to the Nigerian Embassy to apply for a new passport. Would you believe it if I told you I started getting stressed from Sunday? Three days before the actual event? And would you believe it if I told you the night before I barely got any sleep because I was stressed about it? mortified  smh, and why was I stressed? Well, it’s the Nigerian Embassy and I don’t know how to hustle or bribe or do all those things people do to get ahead, so I was there thinking and worrying about how they would not attend to me because I didn’t know anyone or because I couldn’t hustle or do “my brother/my sister” type of talk.

LOL, long story short, it actually was not as bad as I thought it would be and not for the reasons I anticipated.

Or, another example, this Sunday I had to drive into town, now just to bring you up to speed, myself and driving smh, let’s just say we aren’t friendsnot friends. Thankfully, I only knew I would be driving to town from the day before (Saturday) so I had less time to stress and be worried, however, on the day, LOL I was quite stressed, I even told the people who were meant to ride with me to enter at their own risk!

Lmao, las las sha, the whole driving in and out of town was actually fun and, one of the occupants of my car actually ended up inspiring this post. We were talking about something, and she said she looks at life like an adventure.

I laughed at it when she said it, but it’s actually something that I think we, (myself included) can benefit from.

Life in itself is full of many unknowns, many up’s and downs. The way you look at life and the things you go through in life determines how you respond to your situations. If you get stressed over everything you’re going to do, you’ll spend the majority of your life stressed, frustrated and tired. However, if you look at life as an adventure, then you look at each day and each experience as something new and something that could either be fun or challenging. You see the good in the experiences and find ways to have fun even in the most unlikely situations.no way

LOL, now, I know a lot of people (like myself) this probably sounds crazy and maybe even impossible, but it isn’t. Your perception situations will genuinely change the way you experience them.

An example of this is exercise. The way you view exercise will determine whether or not you do it and whether or not you enjoy it. Yes, it’s usually hard work and you might be sore afterwards, but if you view it as something that’s fun and helps relieve your stress, you actually look forward to doing it.

Long and short of the story is this. Life is like a roller coaster, but that doesn’t mean it cant be fun, and it doesn’t mean it cant be an adventure.happy dance

Face each activity and each day with the mindset that “this will actually be fun” you may not know what will happen, but instead of thinking of all the bad possibilities, think of the good. And instead of stressing when things go wrong, find a reason to laugh, smile or be thankful for everything that went right!

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p.s If you would like to be featured on my blog, drop me a line at shaybolanta@gmail.com

 

Something Old but New

 A month after obtaining my B.Sc, I went back to school to start working on my Ph.D. Before I went back, I had a list of things I wanted to do outside of my research. I didn’t want to be one of those people who became so consumed with their research that they forgot how to live life. LOL. I laugh now because the thing I feared was what happened to me. A year into my Ph.D. I found myself struggling to find a balance. story for another post.palm face

I began to measure myself and my growth and progress with what those around me (and by around me, I mostly mean the people I knew back in Nigeria) were doing.

To my eyes, they were living the life, achieving their dreams and I was the struggling researcher living the work-home, work-home life 6 days a week. LOL what a silly comparison to make.

For a long time, I struggled with feeling like I wasn’t measuring up. Feeling like I was left behind,  and not progressing. But recently it struck me that yo I am doing a Ph.D.! I tend to throw the word around because I am surrounded by other Ph.D. students, but the truth is,  it’s in no way a walk in the park and the people I am constantly measuring my life with are not doing a Ph.D. and they are not me! well duh

Everyone’s journey is different and the truth is, we don’t all have the same end goal and we won’t all get to our end goals at the same time. Some people will get there at 20 others at 25 others at 30 and others at 50. Yes, we all want to achieve greatness, and we also want to be successful and happy, but the truth is, success and happiness vary for every individual. Our lives are different and the factors that surround us are different. We can’t expect to achieve everything at the same speed and in the same manner as others because we are not the same people! obv

So here are my two cents on the matter. In this social media age where everyone’s life is on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat it’s easy to feel discouraged when your mates/people you know seem to be doing so much more than you are, or seem to be having much more fun , but the truth is, most people only put up the good times. They don’t post about their struggles, their stress, their hurt, nada, so you measuring your entire life against their happy moments is not ideal and doesn’t help you in any way. It’s like measuring your physical growth against a newborn baby. I mean, you won’t get an accurate representation because you are both at two different stages of life.

measuring your entire life against their happy moments is not ideal

Moral of the story, everyone is running a different race. Your race is unique to you and as long as you are running it to the best of your ability that’s all that matters. Keep running and achieving, cut yourself some slack and celebrate your small victories!celebrate

I say this all the time because it is super important! Celebrate your victories because life can be tough at times and people can be hard to please, so when you can, celebrate those victories! They make the bigger victories that much sweeter.

 

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That Time of Year

Today is the 18th of December and in a few days, I’ll be a year older. Usually, I’m quite happy when my birthday comes along.

me

It’s another year, I’m getting older (don’t know why this ever made me happy tbh lol) people show me love, I remember all the good times, treat myself to some cake LOL, all that good stuff.

More importantly though, for me, birthdays usually mark the beginning of a new year (which is what they are) but more than that, they sometimes feel like a second chance. You know, like maybe you didn’t really do 18 that well, so then you decide you’ll do 19 better because you know better.  Or maybe 25 wasn’t as great as you wanted it, so you tell yourself 26 will be better, it’ll be your year etc.

In fact, about 6 months ago, I was already planning my birthday. I told myself I’d cut my hair and dye it red. I’d get a second piercing and this birthday I would usher in a brand new Sharon.

LOL, it’s actually not funny, but the last couple of months knocked me down a peg or two and to be very honest, I am not ready for my birthday this year. If I could skip it, or postpone it for a month or two, I would, but oh well!

oh well

Anyways, so things aren’t really going the way I planned, but I was speaking to a lady the other day and she said to me “Sharon, you can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to change”.

 

you can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to change

Now this isn’t or wasn’t the first time I was hearing that, and it wasn’t new to me, but hearing those words in that moment made me realize that I was actually doing a lot of harm to myself by being comfortable in my situation and waiting for the world to magically fix itself for me! LOL

And it reminded me that you can wish all you want for a better life, a better 2018. You can make all the new year resolutions you want. You can hope, and you can dream.

just

But if you live 2018 the same way you’re living 2017, making the same choices, nothing will change and come December 2018 you’ll be right where you started. At some point, you have to realize that life is what you make of it, and if something isn’t working for you, maybe you should try something else because come what may, you are not the same as everyone else.

Also, you need to accept the fact that your life is really yours to live and if you make decisions based on everyone but yourself, chances are those decisions will come back to bite you and they more often than not will leave you feeling resentful.

So yea, if you don’t like the way things are going, then maybe it’s time to make a change in your life. A change that moves you in the positive direction.

Life can sometimes be hard, but you don’t always have to do it alone.

And hey, if you’re unsure of what to do, there’s nothing wrong in asking for help. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you don’t have it all together and you need help. Don’t let your pride stop you from being great.loved

 

Life can sometimes be hard, but you don’t always have to do it alone.

 

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From the archives

 

So today’s post is something I actually wrote last year. I lowkey feel like I’ve shared this before, but lol. Nothing wrong with sharing twice!happy gif

 


I remember how I used to pride myself in being this bad ass girl that never cried.

I told myself over and over again that I wouldn’t cry. It was like a mantra I repeated to myself ever so often. So no matter how hurt I was, I hardly ever cried. Nothing could faze me.

The few times I did cry, were times when I was extremely pissed off, and since I had also told myself I would work on my then explosive temper, crying was the only other option.

That was then… About two months ago, all that changed. Imagine my surprise and astonishment when all of a sudden, I started crying almost every day. The first time it happened, I blamed “mother nature” but the next few times, she wasn’t there to blame, and I was left trying to figure out what in the world was going on!

I started asking myself if I was okay, started questioning my mental and emotional health! Lol, I remember one Sunday morning, where I cried for most of the service! I’m sure everyone thought I was under the influence of the Holy Spirit, Lol! crying gif.gifThe truth of the matter though was, I was hurting and all I could do at that point in time was cry.

I started losing weight, and I became quieter than I usually was. I avoided conversations and unless it was work related, or my family I avoided people too.

After a lot of searching within myself, I finally accepted the fact I was just really hurt and needed to allow myself deal with and process the hurt. Now, that isn’t some story about how overnight I became better, or how I discovered the key to getting over hurt, far from it. I mean I did learn things during that time, but that isn’t what today is about.

Now, that isn’t some story about how overnight I became better, or how I discovered the key to getting over hurt, far from it.

I mean, I did learn things during that time, the most important being that it is important you allow yourself grieve when things happen. Brushing it under the carpet doesn’t and will not fix anything, cause when you lift up the carpet, everything will be right where you left it.

It hurts to hurt, but feeling the hurt, in my opinion, is a sign that you are human, that you are alive; and where there is life, there is hope.  But I digress!

Often, we look at people, and they are all smiles, but inside they are hurting. Other times, people seemingly “disappear”, they go AWOL, and we are left wondering why… when this happens, don’t be too quick to judge them.

Everyone is different, and everyone handles pain differently.

Don’t be too quick to say “this person doesn’t even care.” It could be that they are hurting and just need a little time and a heap loads of love.

Everyone is different, and we all deal with things differently. It is so important to be nice to people, you don’t see how your actions affect them. Sometimes a smile is all a person needs to feel better about themselves and their situation. Simple things like text messages go a long way. Allow your actions speak. Not everytime only saying “I love you” sometimes (most times actually) show it. loved

Learn about the people you meet, learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some people need patience, lots of it, while others don’t. Some people need time, and others will pour out their hearts to you the minute they meet you.

Be sensitive, be nice, don’t be so quick to write people off. Be careful with your words and actions, because some things you do might leave lifelong scars on others.

And finally, when things happen, and you feel broken, there’s nothing wrong in taking the time out to heal.

Having said that, if anyone reading today’s post needs a listening ear at any time, you can reach out to me. Email: shaybolanta@gmail.com. Twitter and IG:  shayrunn and Facebook: Sharon Bolanta

 

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Letter to My 21 Year Old Self

dear-me

The next time you see someone you like, walk up to him and say “hey I like you I think you have a cute smile”

Don’t worry so much about the response you get, your actions will probably put a lift in his step

The next time she asks you why you don’t drink, tell her the truth, don’t try make excuses to spare her feelings.. She never spared yours with her opinions.

Live every day like it’s your last, yes cliché but true

Don’t be scared to get on the bus and go, stop pre-empting the disaster that’s never going to happen.

Put your phone down more often, they won’t die without you

I know your desire to be there is as real as the sun and  as beautiful as the sky but the truth is, a few hours without you won’t kill the flowers that surround you.

Smile more, laugh more, be happy more.. Life isn’t as complicated as it seems…

Yes society sucks and people are mean…. But sometimes dancing in the rain is all the healing you need.

The next time you get asked, what did you do last weekend?.. Answer honestly, even though you were at bible study on Friday, choir practice on Saturday and church on Sunday..

Answer with confidence , don’t blink don’t stutter, your faith is the only  permanent thing you have In this world, be proud of it!

Don’t defend your choice of weekend activities to her, don’t say nothing.. Cause clearly that was something.

Don’t deny your saving grace for the grace of a smile on a face.

A face that’ll fade and forget your name, for a grace that’ll be there when no one sees the pain.

Be more honest about what you believe and why you believe, they don’t have to accept you, they don’t have to understand.

You were not created to fit in, but to stand out.

The next time he touches the small of your back and whispers sweet nonsense in your ear, turn around, look him in the eye and say “if you’re not here to stay please take a seat, my time is too precious to waste on wandering feet”.

If his smile makes you uncomfortable, don’t sit there and let him molest you with his eyes. Don’t pretend like you don’t care and are not revolted by his stare.

Muster all the confidence you have, stand tall and tell him to back off.

You are not his sex toy, your body not his playground.

The next time he says to you, “you know you want this”

Look him in the eye and say “No, I do not want this, never have and never will”.

Pack your bags and leave, there is nothing holding you but the invisible chains you feel.

Do not fear what he will do or how he will feel, there is nothing worse than living in a living hell.

Dear 21 year old me, I’ve said a lot and you might not agree with me, but one thing I know..

Life is too short to spend all your time worrying and borrowing trouble from tomorrow.

Live happy, be happy.. Love  more, laugh more, dance more.. Be spontaneous sometimes… It’s not gonna kill you.

When you love people tell them, they might not be there tomorrow.

Enjoy the moments you have, life is too short to be anything but enjoyed.

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