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Wandering Thoughts

Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

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christianity

Oh So Overwhelming…

2017At the beginning of 2017, I was ready to take on the world!

I had everything planned out. I knew what I wanted and I knew how it would all work out for me. January to June/July worked out fine. My research was going well, my personal life was doing okay, all was good with Miss Sharon.

But come August, everything seemed to go downhill. It was like everything was crumbling. But me being the person that I am, I told myself I had to figure stuff out myself. I had to be strong. I couldn’t appear weak. Everyone was looking up to me, you know, all that kind of stuff. (complete and rubbish if you ask me)

I had responsibilities and I couldn’t just pawn them off or pretend like they didn’t exist, but everything was overwhelming. So here’s what I did. I kept struggling in the water (the water being my overwhelming situation) and trying to swim, but since I don’t know how to swim all I was doing was keeping myself from drowning.

face palm

And in as much as I was keeping myself alive, it wasn’t how I wanted to live my life and it was a lot of hard work. I finally came to my senses the day before my birthday, when the mere thought of another year was causing me to panic. Lol

It was actually not funny, but I can laugh at it now because lol, it’s either that or cry.

At that point, I realized that there are times and seasons for everything that concerns you. This includes all your dreams and desires and ambitions. Sometimes we get impatient and we want to do everything NOW. Because we feel like we don’t have enough time, or because we see our mates achieving great things. So we pressure ourselves to act even when we are not ready. It’s like taking someone who is in primary 6 and telling the person to write senior secondary school exams. Lol, I mean, just because said child can write doesn’t mean the child is ready for those exams.

obv

So here is what I am trying to say. One of the easiest ways to become overwhelmed is to take on more than you can handle. It’s to say I can do so and so even when you cant, because the truth is, the minute you start to overstress one part of your life, every part of your life will feel the stress too and eventually begin to suffer.

It’s important to be able to balance everything, from work to family, to friends, to fun. No, you don’t need to party every night, but you do need to be able to do something fun even if it’s just reading a book or catching up with someone over coffee.

You deserve to not just live life, moving from one day to the next, but to enjoy it.

And, it’s also important to be aware that everyone has different stress threshold levels (for lack of better words). Some people can handle any amount of work without batting an eye or taking any breaks, while others need to take regular breaks or have regular intervals to handle that same workload. It doesn’t make anyone inferior to anyone, it just means that we are all different. And honestly, it’s important that YOU realize that YOU are different from other people, because the sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be able to balance your life and move in the right directionmom-cat-balancing-act.

So as the year comes to an end, and you plan for 2018, make sure your plans are not just realistic, but they also include you. Make sure they aren’t all about making money at the cost of your well being. You deserve to not just live life, moving from one day to the next, but to enjoy it.

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That Time of Year

Today is the 18th of December and in a few days, I’ll be a year older. Usually, I’m quite happy when my birthday comes along.

me

It’s another year, I’m getting older (don’t know why this ever made me happy tbh lol) people show me love, I remember all the good times, treat myself to some cake LOL, all that good stuff.

More importantly though, for me, birthdays usually mark the beginning of a new year (which is what they are) but more than that, they sometimes feel like a second chance. You know, like maybe you didn’t really do 18 that well, so then you decide you’ll do 19 better because you know better.  Or maybe 25 wasn’t as great as you wanted it, so you tell yourself 26 will be better, it’ll be your year etc.

In fact, about 6 months ago, I was already planning my birthday. I told myself I’d cut my hair and dye it red. I’d get a second piercing and this birthday I would usher in a brand new Sharon.

LOL, it’s actually not funny, but the last couple of months knocked me down a peg or two and to be very honest, I am not ready for my birthday this year. If I could skip it, or postpone it for a month or two, I would, but oh well!

oh well

Anyways, so things aren’t really going the way I planned, but I was speaking to a lady the other day and she said to me “Sharon, you can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to change”.

 

you can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to change

Now this isn’t or wasn’t the first time I was hearing that, and it wasn’t new to me, but hearing those words in that moment made me realize that I was actually doing a lot of harm to myself by being comfortable in my situation and waiting for the world to magically fix itself for me! LOL

And it reminded me that you can wish all you want for a better life, a better 2018. You can make all the new year resolutions you want. You can hope, and you can dream.

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But if you live 2018 the same way you’re living 2017, making the same choices, nothing will change and come December 2018 you’ll be right where you started. At some point, you have to realize that life is what you make of it, and if something isn’t working for you, maybe you should try something else because come what may, you are not the same as everyone else.

Also, you need to accept the fact that your life is really yours to live and if you make decisions based on everyone but yourself, chances are those decisions will come back to bite you and they more often than not will leave you feeling resentful.

So yea, if you don’t like the way things are going, then maybe it’s time to make a change in your life. A change that moves you in the positive direction.

Life can sometimes be hard, but you don’t always have to do it alone.

And hey, if you’re unsure of what to do, there’s nothing wrong in asking for help. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you don’t have it all together and you need help. Don’t let your pride stop you from being great.loved

 

Life can sometimes be hard, but you don’t always have to do it alone.

 

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The Battle with Self

IMG-20170805-WA0017Last week I spent a lot of time battling things I thought I had overcome time ago! I felt like I was not measuring up. I felt like everyone was in a better position,  better than me.

You see, I’ve spent most of my life proving to people that I was/am good enough. When I was younger, I often felt like I had a point to prove. I was privileged, smart, hardworking and beautiful (even if I do say so myself, lol)  However, I felt like everyone around me thought  I only got the things I got because of who my parents were. So I worked harder at everything, constantly trying to prove to people that I was good enough on my own. I was strong and independent.  And I made sure I proved to everyone at every opportunity I got that I could succeed.

So yea, I’ve consistently felt like I have had to prove my worth to any and everyone. It’s actually a horrible way to live, to be honest. Why? Well instead of doing things and enjoying the things you do, you’re constantly on edge running a race with people who don’t even know you’re running. You don’t enjoy what you do, you never feel like you are good enough, you’re constantly failing even when you’re not, because to you,  the success that you seek is always a bar higher than you’ll ever achieve.

Some of you might read this and think, well what’s so wrong in shooting for the stars no? Well, there’s nothing bad in it if deep down you’re doing it for you. If you’re happy and genuinely enjoying what you do, then great! Chances are though, that if you are like me, always proving yourself, then you aren’t.just

So back to last week. Last week I was very stressed. I felt broke and broken, and the worst part of it all was, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Now read my words carefully, it’s not that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I just couldn’t bring myself to talk, and that was a huge setback for me, cause I thought I had overcome that struggle a while back….

I was irritated with myself and everyone, but in the midst of my frustration and irritation, I realised something.

I am who I am, and the only person I should be comparing myself with is myself. The only person I should be using to measure my success and failures with is myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that yo, I had a setback, but that didn’t  mean I hadn’t grown or made progress in the last couple of years.  And the more I realised that the more I realised that in reality, I had actually handled things much better than I would have a year ago.

So yea, looking back, I don’t think things were as bad as I believed they were, and to be honest I need to pat myself on the back for the progress I’ve made instead of giving myself a slap, and you know what, you should too!gold star

We learn every day, and we should celebrate our milestones cause we are the only ones that know how hard it took us to get to them… And if we don’t celebrate them very few people will!

Remember to celebrate the progress you make this week, even if it looks very tiny, it’s still progress and should be celebrated.

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Made of Music

There is music in everything and everywhere, but only few can see and tap into the magic! Today I am pleased to introduce to you to new music from one of those gifted people, MonLee.

MonLee has produced his latest creative work, a cover album of songs originally composed and performed by Jon Bellion, The Chainsmokers, Jay-Z, Johnny Drille, Jazmine Sullivan, Masterkraft, and more. MonLee’s cover album expresses the musical creativity of several renowned mainstream artists, adding to it his own creative prowess and personal touch; he owns the creative atmosphere of the covers as though they were his original songs, through Beatbox and Acapella, without the use of a single musical instrument. The album is about love, pain and other crucial life lessons.

monmom

MonLee is a Nigerian, Abuja based artist, who started in 2005 in Jos as a music producer popularly known as MonLee. He has produced seasoned artists such as The Isomers Band, Tommy Maverick (whose work is featured on Made of Music Cover Album), Charles DreadHead (Nkemjika) and Yéla, and alongside top notch music producers such as SizzLePro and MacRock. He produced his first personal project, a rap Mixtape in 2014 titled “CubEthics” and a soul EP in 2016 titled “BINI: The Poeatric Dreamer”. He is always working on his next album and connecting with his Essence through music.

 

Please find below, the album arts, the Soundcloud (listen) and Audiomack (download) links for “Made of Music Cover Album”

 

 

 

You can find out more about his music on his social media platforms 

Twitter: @monlee_mane
Instagram: @monlee_mane
Facebook: Mon Lee

Relationship Bants (Part 1)

So apparently today I’m posting about relationships. dance gif

When I was younger, I told myself I’d have one boyfriend. We would date for like 5-10 years and then get married.

5-10 years, because I’d meet him in secondary school (obviously I’d have to finish university and all that) then we’d have one of those high school happily ever after love stories! Boy was I in for a shock!

Lol, but I’m getting ahead of myself. So, because of this idea, I was very careful about the guys in my life.

check

Whenever I met a guy and I thought he was cute, I’d start going through my mental checklist. Christian. Check. Genotype. Check. Tribe. Check. Complexion. Check, Age. Check. Surname. Check (as per his surname had to rhyme with my first uno!)

Any guy that fitted my list would then be considered. Ah, I couldn’t make any mistakes in the process, and I felt a list would be fail-proof!

Now, let’s just ignore the fact that I was young and naive and didn’t even know what I deserved from a man.

Let’s also ignore the fact that whenever I thought a guy was potential bae, I would move things around on the list and take it to God like “You know he’s good for me yea?”. As if I was trying to convince God that my choice, even though I knew it was flawed would suddenly become great if I could just sell the idea to God! Lol. Anyways, long story short, my high school fairy tale did not happen.

lol

(I’m sure you can guess some of the reason why).

At some point in my life, I would have been upset by all the “almost” or “didn’t work out” relationships I’ve had in my life (calm down, they aren’t that many), but honestly, I’m not anymore.

I wasn’t ready then to be in a relationship, and I didn’t know it. I felt like I could make it work with whomever, as long as I loved the person. I ignored things like, what if the person didn’t have the same end goal as me? Or the same principles? Or the same beliefs?

I also ignored the fact that I was a highly emotional woman who ran away from conflicts, couldn’t say no to anyone, was a horrible people pleaser and did not think highly of herself at all! This meant that I attracted all sorts of people and I always felt like I deserved what I got. I also felt like I could be the “messiah” lol! As per, if the guy is a drunkard or a druggie or a cheat, I can save him from all that.

lmao

Some good loving and prayers should do the trick! Lol

I’m sure you all get the gist! But here’s the thing I want to point out.

Being in a committed relationship is more than a pretty face and a sexy body. It’s more than checklists and criteria’s. It shouldn’t be entered with idealism.

There is nothing wrong in being single, and there is nothing wrong in not being ready for a relationship. If you’re not ready, it’s really not a big deal, lol just sit down and relax. Work on yourself so when the right man or woman comes along, you can be the person he/she deserves. Don’t mess around with someone because you want to fit in.

Relationships are not overrated, but at the same time, you don’t need a relationship to be complete.

Now, all this plenty talk I’m doing stems from the fact that we tend to think maturity is directly related to age, but it really isn’t! You can be as old as you want and still not be ready or mature enough for a relationship. Your readiness is not determined by your age! Some people are ready at 18 others at 25 others at 35.

Don’t shout for love and relationship until you’re ready for it. It really isn’t worth the heartache and pain. Work on yourself, enjoy your singleness, enjoy getting to know yourself! It helps the process!single

And as to how you know you’re ready, well that post is for another day!

(P.s Before ya’ll start commenting, I’ve had and still have some pretty amazing guys in my life.) 

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Trust Issues…

I grew up thinking trusting God was stress. I often felt like God just wanted me (and everyone else)  to trust Him so He could prove a point. I never really knew what the point was, but I sha felt that way.

However, in the last couple of weeks and months I’ve been learning about the nature of God, and here’s the thing that has reverberated over and over again. Everything God does, He does out of love. I mean, the Bible tells us that God Himself is love! (1 John 4:8)

take 3

So how does this relate to trust? Well, here’s the thing. Think back to the children of Israel, and when they were wandering around the wilderness. They complained about not having food, and God sent them manna. When he did, he gave them instructions, told them not to take more than they needed for the day.

Usually, I think about the whole story as: God wanted them to learn trust and depend on Him. Case closed story over. But today I realised there was more to it.

God loves us (mankind) more than we can imagine! It’s why He asked the Israelites to trust Him. I mean, He loves us so much, He doesn’t want us stressing about anything. He gives us what we need for the time, for the season and asks us to trust Him, not just because He knows our end from our beginning, but because He doesn’t want us over thinking and stressing our small brains over things that seem big to us but are tiny to Him.

 

 

no stress

He loves us so much that He wants us to just chill and literally only follow His lead. He’ll never lead us astray, He’ll never give us wrong directions or make any mistakes.

God is love. It is who He is to take care of us, to cherish us, to look out for us, to love us.

It’s like when two people get married and the husband plans a surprise honeymoon trip and tells his wife to trust him. It’s not because he’s trying to form bad ass or something (I mean, that might be a part of it, LOL) but at the bottom of all the forming, he is asking her to trust him because he loves her and has something amazing planned out for her.

If as humans we can trust the people we love, and those who love us, what more of God?!

At the root of everything God asks us to do is love.When you truly understand how much He loves you, trusting Him won’t be an issue. In fact, when you truly understand it, you’ll want to sit back, chill and let Him do His thing because you will know He has everything under control! You’ll understand that His love for you is like wine and you can literally get drunk on it.

sips

My take home message from this post is this. God isn’t testing you and trying you. He isn’t asking you to trust Him because He wants to see if you will fail. No. God is asking you to trust Him because He loves you THAT MUCH love gifand wants life to be stress-free for you. He wants life to be easy! And the beautiful thing is, if you trust Him, it will be!

Thanks for reading today’s post! I hope you enjoyed it!

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Like A Butterfly

 

cropped-fullsizerender1.jpgLike a lot of young people, ladies I went through a phase in secondary school where I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I had this idea of what the perfect young lady looked like, how she acted and even how she thought and unfortunately, I didn’t fit into that pattern but all the girls at my school did.

idk2

There were so many things I tried doing in secondary school, but because I compared myself to other people and found myself lacking,  I stopped. I gave up.

It wasn’t as if I was bad at those things, not at all! I just felt like I wasn’t good enough and would never be good enough at them.Now that I look back, I realise that all that was just hogwash!!

You see, the problem was, I was focused on other people and comparing myself to them, instead of being the person I was made to be. I guess it’s one of the reasons I hate comparison. Because it cost me a lot when I was younger.

 

Fast-forward to last week. It would surprise you to know or maybe it won’t that last week, I found myself doing the same thing I did some 10 years ago! Comparing myself to people. And not even in useful productive things, nah, not there.

I found myself comparing myself to certain people on social media, and how they talk, their online persona, etc.

Today I realised it and I was just like, Can you see yourself? Like really, what exactly are you doing?

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I don’t need to tell anyone all the cliché stuff we see/read/hear on the internet about comparison. I mean, we all know that we are meant to be ourselves and not other people etc.

However, the thing I do think we need to be reminded of is this.

We are who we are and we were created that way for a reason. If someone cannot accept you for who you are, then maybe the person doesn’t deserve such a high position in your life.

You were not created by mistake, nothing about you was/is a mistake. And I think there in lies the problem for a lot of people. We think there was some mistake when we were created. We think if we were smaller, bigger, taller, we’d be better. We think if we talked more or talked less we would be great. We think if we were anything but the way we are we would do better, and that’s just not true.

You are who you are for a reason, and God doesn’t make mistakes. There is a reason you are the way you are and that you can’t see it doesn’t make it less there.

At the end of the day, you are beautiful and perfect because you are the child of a beautiful and perfect God. No, this message isn’t just for people who are Christians by the way.

Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work at developing your skills, or work on making yourself better. No… I’m simply saying understand that you are amazing the way you are and the person to your right is amazing the way that person is. There’s no need to compare. It’s as simple as that. Do your own thing the way you know how. Somebody out there loves you just like that. And if you think nobody does, well God loves you just the way you are and tbh His love is really the most amazing love you can ever experience!

loved

I guess the moral of the story is this. Love yourself the way you are! The more you love yourself, the more you will flourish and blossom into a butterfly!

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Story story

 

Story time! Ya’ll know I love telling stories 🙂giphy (1)

So yesterday, I got back from a trip, which was exceedingly exhausting and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I got off the bus and I was waiting for another bus that would drop me off close to my house. The time for the bus to arrive came, passed, and still no bus. I was like, ya’ll don’t expect me to walk home, do you?? (Cause my house is like 25 minutes’ walk from where I was at the time)

So anyways, after much back and forth in my spirit (I did not want to start walking and the bus would drive past!), I decided to walk. I started walking and I saw a woman in the distance, this woman looked like she wanted to ask for help, and I was not in the mood to help anyone, but I could not just turn away, lol that would probably have come across as rude! Anyways, I got to her, we talked,  and I found out that she was lost and needed directions. I happened to be going in the same way that she was meant to be heading, so I told her I’d walk with her cause describing the place would be a bit difficult.

So we started talking and she asked me what I do, and I told her I was doing a PhD. When I said this, she did not respond. did I mention that she was Polish? Anyways, so when she kept quite I went on to say I was doing research and then, I realised my error.

IMG-20170525-WA0010

She felt a bit insulted because she thought, that I thought because she was polish she did not understand what a PhD was, which really was not the issue.  She went on to say to me, that she had done her doctoral studies and was there for a conference. (Which for some reason escaped me, even though she had mentioned the conference earlier!) I was mortified mortified(I’m not even going to lie!) and I instantly apologised to her, I actually felt really bad covers face. Long story short, we got over that little hitch, talked and I walked her to her place. She wished the best and actually wished me a lot of good things which made me smile.

Why did I share this story? Well, cause there are lots of lessons to be learnt. As a black woman living in Ireland, I have always been on the receiving end of people assuming I do not know something because I am black or assuming I know something because I am black. And in as much as I’m not one to get easily offended at things like that, I realised yesterday how easy it is to do that to someone. Which leads me to the point; never make assumptions. Most times assumptions do not do too much harm, but they can ruin friendships, relationships, network etc. and you might not know it, but this world is made up of networks of people and it is how we thrive.

The other thing I’d like to point out is, sometimes, the things we want even though they aren’t bad might stop us from experiencing other things. Like I did not want to walk at all. I would have taken the bus if it had shown up, and even though I prayed that it would be there, it was not. If I had taken the bus though, I would have missed the interesting encounter I had with the Polish woman. Looking glad, I’m glad I didn’t get the bus. I actually enjoyed talking to her and walking with her.smile

So yea, I don’t have a summary for today’s post. But I do hope you enjoyed it and learnt something from it!  If you haven’t taken the poll from the last post please do so!!! 🙂

Thank you for reading today’s post! I look forward to hearing back from you

 

Lesson Learnt!

 

030035a5It’s quite funny how things often play out in life.

A few weeks ago, roughly a month I think, I wrote a piece titled “I Want to Quit” . When I wrote it, I was quite frustrated with life, lol, little did I know that it was just the beginning! You see, the weeks between when I wrote that piece and now have been quite intense to say the least. I mean, if I thought I wanted to quite then, I don’t know what I wanted to do over the last weeks!

I felt under a lot of pressure, I was stressed and I wasn’t dealing with it at all. All I literally did most days was get up, exercise (until I stopped), go to work, work till late, come home, make dinner (some times) eat, get into bed and pass out. The time between when I got into bed and when I actually passed out was often spent at one online meeting or the other, writing articles or mentally trying to solve problems (for work). Weekends were spent quite similarly, packed with activity after activity.

Everyone kept telling me to take a break, but I felt I didn’t deserve a break. I felt like I had way too much work to do to take a break. So I didn’t. I pushed my self, until i became less efficient, pushed myself some more, became exhausted, and pushed my self even more, until I was doing just the bare minimum and still flopping at it. Finally, this weekend, I got permission to rest. As funny as it may sound to some, God gave me permission to rest and I did.

The whole episode taught me something. Well, a couple of things actually. The first being that when it comes to stress and work load, there will most likely always be things that will demand your attention and could potentially stress you. You however, have to know yourself well enough to know when to take a step back and breathe.

lessons learnt

The more important thing I learnt however is this.

Sometimes we are looking for permission from someone outside of ourselves to be great. We are looking for someone to approve of our choices before we make them, and really, we shouldn’t be. There are certain things we don’t need permission to do. I remember talking to God, and He asked me “did you really need My permission to rest?” and I sheepishly replied no. because the truth is, I didn’t. God expects me to use my brain and stop when I need to. He expects me to apply my faith when I need to, I don’t need to ask His permission before I rest when I’m tired, or eat when I’m hungry or tell someone about how wonderful He has been to me.

It’s like you walking into your bedroom and asking your mum/dad if you can lay on your bed. I mean, sure they can give you permission if you really want it, but it’s really not necessary. It’s your bed!

So yea, we were created to be great, we were created to do great things, but often time we sit back as though we are waiting for someone to give us permission to be great. It is not necessary! Don’t be like me waiting for permission to rest. There are things that you don’t require permission for, and being great is one of them!

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