I want to quit.
Every month, I want to quit. When I think of all the responsibilities I have, all the things I need to do. The things I want to do but for some reason or the other cant. I want to quit. The worst part of those moments is, it’s at that time when I’m fighting tears that someone will proceed to remind me that I said I’d do so and so for them, thus making my list even longer.
It’s hard, I’m not even going to lie. So what keeps me from quitting? To be honest I have no idea. When I was an undergrad, the main thing that kept me going was my parents. I needed to make them proud. They couldn’t just spend all that money and then I wouldn’t have anything to show for it. I would often think of all the people praying for me to do well, and I would push myself because I needed to make them proud.
The difference between then and now is, I don’t feel like I have to make them proud of me. I know they are proud of me. So I don’t feel the need to try and earn it.
So as I’m writing this, I’m asking myself, “why don’t you quit?”
Well, I guess there are three main reasons. The first being that since I was a child, verses like Jeremiah 29:11 and Jeremiah 1:5 had been sung in my ears reminding me of Gods plans for me. And in recent times, Isaiah 55:11 has become a gentle reminder. Now, before you think I’m so spiritual or Holy, let me tell you that when I want to quit, I don’t actively remind myself. It’s not even like I want to remind myself, but my subconscious mind knows that God has said certain things about me and therefore those things have to happen, whether or not they feel like they will.
In addition to that, I wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge that I didn’t try my very best. I couldn’t live with the fact that I gave up simply because things got hard. Call it pride or whatever you will, but it keeps me going and that is good enough for me. I mean, how can I just say I quit, just like that? Without any reason? Nah, I’m not that person. If I didn’t love it all, maybe it would be an option, but I do, so it isn’t.
This will probably sound like a silly reason, but a part of me has a point to prove. People have always found fault in me and the way I live my life,
surprise surprise, I’m human! And at the end of the day, a part of me refuses to give up because fam, I don’t want being a quitter to be added to my many lists of “flaws”. There are people that I have a point to prove to. People who have in the past made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. They aren’t aware of it, and that’s fine, but I want to pull a Joseph on them, become a great person irrespective of everything life throws at me and everything they have said to/about me.
So yea, at the end of the day, I keep going. I don’t quit. If I quit, then it means I don’t trust God to complete what He has started, and at this point in my life, that isn’t and will never be an option.
We all want to quit at some point or the other, but you know what, quitting won’t solve the problem, cause chances are you’ll quit and end up in something more difficult. I’d rather try and fail than quit half way through.
I would love to hear your thoughts and what keeps you from quitting.
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