I had a friend back when I was in high school, and at the time I didn’t see just how important she was to me, but looking back, she was a God send. We weren’t best friends or anything, but she was my rock. My high school days were rough in their own way. I used to get so upset and often times you could see on my face that a storm was brewing, but I had too much self-control (most times) to let it out in any way but cold answers and a hard face. But you see, this friend of mine…She was very good at talking me out of those moods. She just had a way about her, and when I was boiling, she somehow managed to get me to cool off. At the end of high school, we parted ways because we both went to different universities. Our time together was over. I never forgot just how much of a blessing she was to me at the time. She taught me a lot and helped me in more ways than I can say, but when the time came for us to part ways I didn’t hold back.
Most of the friendships we have in life occur this way. We have them for a season. For a time. They aren’t always meant to last forever. But we tend to hold on. We tend to grasp unto these friendships because they are safe, comfortable and familiar. We know them, we understand them, so we hold on.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “For everything there is a time and a season for every action under the heavens”
There is a time to say goodbye and a time to say hello.
The thing we fail to see sometimes is this. That you are growing, doesn’t mean the people around you are growing. I mean, the probably are growing, but not necessarily in the same direction you’re growing. What this means is that, perspectives change, ideas and priorities change, purpose changes. Especially as a young person. Maybe because we’re still trying to figure out what we are doing in and with life, often times, we go in and out of seasons more so than people under other age brackets. We have sudden growth spurts and in the process of all of that, we leave people behind, but we don’t let them go. We can see that things aren’t working between us, we can see that we don’t have the same connect that we used to have. But we choose to not let go, because we feel like we are doing a dis service to them. And so we move into spring wearing summer clothes and into summer wearing winter clothes.
There is a preparation that is required for every season. And to achieve the best out of each season, you must prepare properly. You must be equip with the right tools and knowledge, and sometimes the friends from past seasons just aren’t good enough for new seasons. They aren’t bad people. Most times they are amazing people. But they are for a season and the season will end. When that happens, we have to recognize it and move on. That’s not to say become their enemies. Far from it. That’s just simply to say, find new people who will help you through this season in life.
Some friends are forever, but most are for a season. They come and they go as we go through phases in life. They serve their purpose, but once they have accomplished all that they have been called to do, they will move on, and we must let them.
Personally I am good at holding on to people. If we have history, it’s very hard for me to let go. For this reason, I have people I still attempt to talk to ever so often, even though all our conversations leave me feeling very frustrated. I also have people I force myself to talk to every few weeks and at the end of the day I end up either hurt, feeling bad about myself, hopeless, angry, etc.
In most cases, these have been friends that I thought would be around forever, but God had other plans and he only intended them to be around for a season. Writing this now, makes me realize just how badly I’ve been trying to keep people, who have no business being in my life, around. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that these people are bad, far from it, it’s just that we are no longer in a position, in our lives were we are speaking the same language.
I guess the reason I can write this way is because I am currently in a new season of my life. A lot of people have failed to see that the season I am in at this very moment is different from the one I was in some 6 months ago, even 4 months ago. But it is, and as such I have changed, and the people I am taking with me into this new season have changed as well. Not because I don’t want everyone along with me, but because for this season of my life, I only need certain people. People who can run with me and encourage me. People for this season.
It hasn’t been easy coming to this realization. And to be very honest I haven’t come to terms with it completely, but its already happening and I don’t have that much of a choice.
So today, on this 3rd day of December, I am grateful for the ones that got away. The ones I thought would be around forever, but somehow they aren’t.
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